Is the relationship worth saving?

[loandbeholder]

Been together almost 11 years. 2 DDs aged 2 & 3, and a mortgage.

We've had our ups and downs & very recently separated for 5 months as he was emotionally abusive and made me feel so insignificant. During our split he did make some nasty comments to me, but later said this was in anger. He also wanted to force me and DDs out of our home, although a few months later he retracted this and again admitted it was all through anger. A lot has happened and I was in pieces whilst he kept dealing the next blow, but he cooled off in the end and told me that he was just so hurt and wanted to 'hate me'.

His family had been my family for a decade, I was a doting auntie to his sisters children, close with his parents and generally felt like a part of the furniture, but after the split they all turned their backs on me, made nasty comments about me infront of my children and encouraged ExP to continue as he was as they were 'so proud of him'. My family stayed totally mutual and kind.

I couldn't afford to keep the house running on my part time wage, and my DD was applying for infant school so it wasn't a good time to relocate. ExP started being really kind and helpful, and we eventually rekindled mainly as I wanted to keep my family together and have a secure home for my little girls. He set up his own business as he had promised to for several years to earn more money as we were barely scraping by, and has generally been really trying. I have seen glimpses of the old him over the past few months (silent treatment, going through my phone whilst i slept etc)... but have let it go as I know everyone has flaws.

But I just can't seem to shake the feeling of this not being where I'm meant to be. I want to keep my family but I don't think he's the one for me. I would love to get married one day but can't imagine the awkwardness with his family and that's not the future I pictured. Does this ever recover/get better? Or am I in the wrong place. I feel like I can't leave again because I already put DDs through it once and it wouldn't be fair to do it a second time.

He sounds like a POS. Your kids are young now. When they're more cognisant, do you want them to think the way he treats you is OK?

You feel like you are in the wrong place because you are. He might be being ok now, but his true abusive self will be revealed again shortly.

Whilst people do say things they don’t mean in anger sometimes, he shouldn’t be saying horrible things like taking your home away from you and your children. His family don’t sound nice either.

I think you would be better off parting, particularly now whilst your girls are young.
It will be much harder when they are older.

The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none. This is a relationship lesson your children also need to learn.

The relationship is well and truly over. You left once and you can snd should leave again. Do not be taken in by his weasel words and or promises of change. His family also sound rotten to the core too.

What is the situation re the finances and property ?. Seek help and additional support from Womens Aid asap, your safety here is of paramount importance.

He's an abusive POS who wanted to make his two tiny children homeless out of revenge.

Fuck that and fuck him.

Think about who you'd want your children to be in a relationship with. If he doesn't hit that criteria then he has to go. You are as valuable as your children and you deserve to be loved and cherished. Set the example and show your kids how boundaries work. You deserve the best.