Myself and my ex have had a very up and down few months, probably more off than on. The stupid thing is that I have zero doubts that we both love each other very much but there was too many other things going on which caused the breakdown of our relationship including mental health issues from both sides.
When he was angry he would tell me anything that he knew would hurt me. I was never a priority in his life. He told me he thought of my children as his own but was never there to support them when they had things on (yet would always say that he treated my children like if they were his own. Rather than communicate he would block me out for days and days until I caved and contacted him first (though I always felt the original argument was blown up from nothing, and I often couldn't even say what the argument was about. He'd get upset about something, kick me out of his house and refuse to talk to me for days without me understanding what the argument was about.
This was the tip of the iceberg. Yet despite a long time of this I love him so much. There were many good times too, but he had big problems with his mental health that he wouldn't accept which would cause what I believe to be unreasonable behaviour.
Every time we would argue be would delete me from social media and then block me for a few days. This time I have blocked him and have no intention of undoing that. I know that the relationship played a massive role in my poor mental health (since the start of the relationship I have started on antidepressants though he doesn't believe there is any connection there).
The more I am typing, the more angry I am at myself. My children think the world of him. They know it is his birthday this weekend. They have never seen any of the negative behaviour (which makes me realise he was able to control it but chose not to). They have asked to send him a card (they know we have separated but don't know the detsils, they're too young). I have agreed to that and have them ready to post. My question is should I add a note or a card in as well? I know he is hurting a lot, and I know his poor mental health caused by his childhood is behind the issues which makes me sympathise. I'm pretty sure I know the answer but I'm feeling very broken and vulnerable tonight. I am missing him so much, but know that I can never go back as the negatives will always be there.
Please be kind in your responses, I am feeling very fragile at the moment. Thank you.