Feeling a bit off with a guy and he books a holiday

[presto32]

So I've been seeing a guy for the past 6 months, and he's really nice and we seem to be getting along.
But I've been having a bit of doubt and not sure if I'm so keen to see him anymore. So I've been a bit distant.
He's pushing to go on holiday, and I haven't decided whether to go and told him I'm not keen as money is tight (which is true)
I saw him last week and he surprised me by booking us a surprise holiday for 2 nights. It's really annoyed me tbh as 1- he didn't ask me 2 - I told him I don't like surprises

AIBU to not go? I guess it's quite a lot of money but I feel annoyed as he didn't ask me and I don't really want to go?

The guy I was seeing booked both of us on a ‘mature’ music long weekend knowing I’d rather stick pins in my eyes than join in with a load of women in fancy dress dancing to Candy. I was horrified that he thought I’d be pleased

I ended it, paid him for my flight and took my son away to another resort nearby and we had a lovejy time

Given he's disregarding your wants, you are perfectly free to text him to end it. I wouldn't mention the trip when you dump him. When he complains about it, which he will, just say, "Yes, that's partly why I'm ending it. You didn't take any notice of what I wanted".

Thanks that's a good idea tbh

The trick then is stop communicating. He'll want to wear you down on this. Wishing you strength!

Anyone who doesn’t see their own kids is a cunt. If he wants to see them he goes to court and gets access. Which will be granted unless there’s a specific reason. Sounds like there is here - abuse

Another tip to see what people are really like is to observe how they react to when you say 'no' to something. It's good to try it about something really trivial, really early on.

Weeds out the controllers because they just can't resist trying get you to change your mind, having no thought to trampling your boundaries.

I wonder if he senses you backing off so does this to stop you dumping him 🤔sort of guilt-tripping you with 'niceness'.

This is like those guys who do large public proposals as a 'surprise' which might seem romantic, but they're trying to pressure the woman to say, 'yes'. Or SHE ends up looking a d*ckhead if she says no. You gut says no, you want to end things - don't go. And end things.

The least he is, is completely self centered.

I had this with a guy - I had just started a new business, was totally snowed under trying to get it off the ground, had a teary conversation where I told him I'll be around less for the next couple of months as my job really needs me and I can't afford lounging about at this minute.So he added me as a plus one to a mates destination wedding and made such a big deal of it that it was hard not to feel shit refusing to go...
Just planning the refusal took away so much of my work time.

In the end I couldn't get over the total disregard for my needs and we broke up very soon after that.

I should add he whined about the cost of my ticket ( the ticket that I never wanted to exist) when I pulled the plug on the relationship... 😵‍💫

@SamW98 oh no! That doesn't sound enticing!

@presto32 just pull the plug, he can take friend/relative or get some of the cancellation money back.

I've sent him the text now, not going to look at my phone for a while now because I just feel anxious!
Thanks everyone for the advice and support

What did you say in your text OP?
Well done x

The cost of the trip was a plausible excuse not to go on holiday, it wasn’t the reason. You’ve both been poor communicators.

It should be the honeymoon phase!
If you're in two minds about whether to go on a 2 night mini break with him then you're definitely not into him.

If you're annoyed instead of thrilled then you have your answer...

I didn't actually bring up the holiday point, but I said I have a lot going on in my personal life and don't think we should see each other anymore.
He seems to have taken it quite ok for now, so let's see.

Sure, I guess I should work on my communication skills..

OP it's such a massive red flag if a man is not allowed to see his children. The vast majority of women want the father to be involved and to support by having the children for reasonable share of time.

Big red flags. Well done for dumping him 👏

You told him you don't like surprises and he books a surprise, for the second time? It sounds like he is not at all interested in what you prefer.

Just read the updates. Good job, OP.

Twat.

"I know you're not going to like this, but here you go! Aren't I generous?"

Holy fuck

Run a mile!

Do not go on holiday, even if free.

Just cut ties now

Well done for spotting this, and for letting your feelings speak to you - you can be a reformed people-pleaser yet! 😁

Don't let him make you feel bad for refusing this - it's just emotional manipulation. Do not doubt yourself. It might feel uncomfortable now, but I can guarantee you'd have felt worse and for longer if you'd allowed yourself to be bounced into it.