Am I overthinking

[StoneCarpet]

My wife and I have been married 3 years. Together 6. I was aware she had a colourful past which didn't bother me until at our wedding one of her friends made an off the cuff comment about my wife, her and two guys all in a hotel together. Allthough this was before we met I was pretty disgusted by what I heard. My wife swore to me her and her friend never had sex or that there was any contact between them at all.

Fast forward to last weekend. My wife and I were out when I caught her blatantly flirting with a woman on the dance floor. I sat and watched for 20 minutes whilst they basically undressed each other with their eyes accross the room before the woman came over and introduced herself. The cooed over each other for a few moments before my wife said I'm here with my husband and pointed to me,. The woman looked surprised and said, oh, looked at me and said good luck before walking off.

I blew up and we had a massive argument over two days resulting in my wife apologising and promising she didn't remember, can't understand why she did it and and was adamant she wasn't attracted to.women.

Now, friend from wedding and my wife are close. They talk a lot and meet at a common hobby regularly but don't socialise. It frustrates me they still communicate when she caused so much issues between us and my wife knows this hit doesn't care.

I am on my second marriage. My first wife came out as gay after having two affairs. The first one I forgave her for, the second she left me for. I knew something was up for a few years but just couldn't prove it but when it all came out, I was right all along.

I'm clearly hyper sensitive about this and spent years building my self confidence up again and my new wife knows how much it impacted me, and kinda still does.

So when she did what she did I was mot only angry, I was disappointed in her for treating me like this. I seriously wanted to leave. She promised she would be better, would drink less etc etc

I feel like all trust is gone but don't know if I'm overreacting. I've told her I forgive her but deep down I don't know if I do, well yet anyway.

I feel like I'm back.8 years to wife no 1.

You'd have to be seriously unlucky to marry two covertly gay women in succession. Marriage is about trust, you have it or you don't and if it's a no, the writings on the wall isn't it?

You say you knew she had a colourful past, did that include having relationships with women? If so you knew that she was most likely bisexual. However if doesn't excuse her openly flirting with another woman in front of you, that's not respectful. Socialising with her friend who spilled the beans about their past is a different issue, and shouldn't impact on you as that was long before you met so no reason for her to stop seeing her friend.
However the main problem is that you don't trust your wife, she's promised to behave better and not drink so much but only you can say if that's enough for you to stay with her.

Hmm, are you sure this isn't mostly in your head?

Your wife said she and the friend never had sex.
You don't want her to be friends with this person because of something she said didn't happen.
You say she was flirting at the bar, but she did say she was married and that put an end to it.

You can't police your current wife for something your previous wife did.

Either you decide you're going to trust her and go to therapy, maybe do relationships counselling as well.
Or split up.

You mustn't go down this path of policing her, controlling her drinking and socialising, telling her who to be friends with and blowing up at her over possibly imagined flirting. It's incredibly unhealthy and I'd sure you don't want to be that person.

She’s sound like she’s bisexual. I can see why you feel uneasy to be honest