Friendships I've let fall away, should I reach out or move on?

[Iamawomenphenominally]

I've had a very rough few years, and massively struggled.

Autistic burn out, anxiety and depression, relationship break down, bereavement, job loss, kids health issues etc and during these last few years I've really retreated into myself.

There are a couple of friendships that have fizzled out, two especially are friends I used to really value and see frequently but now haven't seen 1:1 (or at all for one friend) for at least two years.

I'm torn on whether to reach out and try to see if they'd like to catch up or not, and apologising for not being "present".

I feel guilty I haven't been there for them, not been sociable, or able to "give" much as a friend in times of time and emotion.

But then equally I guess they have also not stayed in touch, reached out while I've been having a tough time. Maybe its been more for them to "put in" than they could do themselves and that's why it's fizzled out on their side too? Maybe they never viewed me as as close as I they viewed them?

Has anyone else been in this situation on either side? I'm really interested in people's thoughts.

With none of the friends has there been any fallings out, more just contact has dwindled to nothing.

I honestly don't know if I've been gradually ghosted, or they think I've left them, or it's just a mutual easing off.

I feel bad as they were good friends years ago, but now we are more like acquaintances or something. It's as if we've moved away from each other distance wise but we haven't.

Two years is nothing, send a message ! Life has just got in the way of regular contact. As you say, there is likely a mutual element to this as they haven't been in touch either. They've probably had their own issues too as well all do. I think definitely make contact, briefly say you've had a lot going on hence being off the radar but would love to catch up. I'd be glad to hear from a friend in similar circs!

How do you know that they don't also think you have ghosted them? You've admitted that you had a lot going on so they may well feel like you have been the one to retreat from the friendship. Personally I would try reaching out but prepare yourself for a response you may not like (or none at all).

Reach out. A lot of us have drifted in the pandemic.

There's no harm in trying to reach out here. Some people don't seem to think much of going long periods between seeing friends while others may have moved on.

You could reach out OP. They will either accept and you’ll get back on track or they’ll decline and you where you stand.