Sorry this is long, but theres a lot of back story, bear with me...My mum is part of a religious group, sort of a Conservative Christian belief.. she had a very difficult marriage to my dad and had a breakdown when I was about 8, soon after she joined the religious group and declared she had " found the me truth". She started taking me and my younger siblings to the church and the members studied bible with me. Fast forward to when I was 13, I was by then convinced that the religion was "the truth " and allowed myself to be baptised too.. My dad was distraught but I continued in the group with my mum until I was about 20. I then slowly started question their beliefs, and finally made the decision to leave the group. I also moved away ( it was easier not having to meet the old congregation members who literally refused to speak to me since I left). My mum didn't speak to me for about 6 months but finally relented. Fast forward another 20 years, I'm happy with my life and have my own family. My relationship with my mum has been quite okay, although I avoid spending too long with her as I can see she gets irritated and snappy if we are together too long. Last week, I went to visit her with my DC and stayed in her house for 4 nights ( she invited us - we live 5h away and hadn't seen her for about 9months). Everything went well until on the last day, she asked me, out-of the blue, if something happened to me when I was younger, as I had "lost all my values ". I asked what she meant but she didn't really explain. Back home, her question still bothered me, so I messaged her, and asked if she could explain what she meant and why she felt that I had lost my values..she answered that she felt that happened when I left her religious group, and she had always wondered why...I told her the truth, as gently as possible, that I had realised the group was not for me, and whilst I respect her faith, I did not believe in the same. And did not want my children to be exposed to any faith teaching until they are mature enough to think critically and decide whether or not to believe it. ( she had been showing them religious videos and talking about her faith, behind my back). I said I'd love to have a good relationship with her and hoped the religion would not break us ( it broke my parents marriage) ...she has seen the message ages ago but not responded..if I know her at all, she has taken this very badly, and has probably decided to distance herself from me again...this all is made worse by the fact that my siblings also ultimately left the religious group, but as far as I can see, my mum has not been too hard on them and still has regular contact. ...it makes me feel that perhaps she just doesn't like me as a person... ironically i have always tried to help her financially as much as possible, as she says she struggles.. i am not really in position to give lots but I always buy shopping and small gifts when we visit, pay for her travel, etc... whereas my younger siblings (adults now) are quite happy to keep taking money, food and lifts from her, and she happily allows them.
so what do I do now?? She asked the question but did not like my answer..I don't want to fall out with her , but if I didn't ask her what she meant, I would have been wondering, and resenting, forever. Should I just wait until she replies ( if ever) or should I say something? I'm 47 but it is hurting me so much to think my own mum dislikes me!