Need some advice

[Daisymais]

Me and my partner have a four year old together. I want us to be a happy family and he knows this but his attitude towards me and us sucks. He'd rather be out there working doing what makes him happy. His words. So obviously our child and I don't. We take the same day off work each week so we can spend it together. He moans, saying he should be working "not wasting the day" his words. I'm deeply unhappy. I hardly see him anymore. I feel he's happier away from me and our child. I feel so alone. I do so much for him and sacrifice so much for him but I don't feel appreciated. I feel I'm just a cook,cleaner and childminder whilst he's out there doing what makes him happy. I just don't know what to do I could use some advice. I have tried talking to him about things but he just shouts and shuts me down.

I have tried talking to him about things but he just shouts and shuts me down

Disregarding anything else, which is all circumstantial, this attitude towards you signals the end of the relationship, unless he is willing, in calm moments, to discuss what makes him silence you in this way.

Why do you stay?

What on earth are you getting out of this relationship? The fact he says he’d rather be at work than ‘wasting a day’ spending time with you speaks volumes.

Bring honest it sounds as if he’s already checked out of your relationship.

You would be far less lonely being a single mum to your daughter than being trapped in a dead relationship

It sounds as though you and your partner want different things out of life. It's very sad for you OP but perhaps best to accept this relationship is never going to be what you want it to be and plan your future separate from him.

Sorry OP but it sounds like he doesn't really like you very much at all and is only staying for your DC / an easy life 🙁

You can't force someone to want to be with you so I suggest you start making plans for your day off with friends and family and start looking into ways to leave this relationship. Because we all know that it's only a matter of time before he's found his exit route (usually another woman) and leaves you in the lurch...

I do so much for him and sacrifice so much for him but I don't feel appreciated. I feel I'm just a cook,cleaner and childminder whilst he's out there doing what makes him happy.

So stop being that saintly, because he obviously doesn't value or respect or appreciate your sacrifices.

Possibly it makes him more complacent and respect you less. Doormats are for walking on, no?

Stop doing stuff for him and just do the necessary for yourself and your child. Start doing things on your own socially without factoring him in.

Either it'll be a wake up call for him or it'll serve you well in preparation for a split.

Hi op I think you should leave him but I understand you might not be there yet.

I was reading something about how research shows that the more and more women do for men, then men like it but they respect the woman less and less. It's hard to be attracted to someone you don't respect. And it's hard to be fun easy breasy company with someone who doesn't respect you and you resent.

So it's time for an experiment. Stop doing ANYTHING for him at all. No laundry. No booking appointments for him. No cooking. Just feed yourself and your daughter or tell him you can take turns to cook an adult meal. Don't wash up his plates. With this time you have saved - go out- see a friend, or if you have none locally do an art or yoga class. Don't ask, tell him. But it's very important you're out of the house. You can do this on your 'family day' if you want - he'll soon miss you when he has to look after daughter alone.

Without being spiteful, just don't do things for him and pour that energy into yourself . It might just shift the dynamic.