Marriage in trouble

[Dinkiedoo]

Been married for a long time. Both second time round. We've been pretty happy until he "allowed" me to retire. I still pay my own bills but have limited income.
Recently he has become hypercritical and distant. Over last few weeks hasn't touched me as I complained he was too rough sometimes.

I find myself being very irritated with him in response of this nit picking.
If we go out he would rather speak to other people than me !
I can't leave and I don't want to but how much longer can this go on ?.
He keeps asking ME what's wrong but can't tell him as know it would end up in a row.

This will go on for as long as he is alive and for as long as you allow yourself to be treated with such disdain and contempt.

You can leave; never assume you cannot leave.

Why do you not want to leave him?. Ask yourself this question and be honest with your own self here. Is it fear of him and his reactions to you, fear of the unknown, money worries?. Do you have access to "his" money or does he regard this as his and his alone?. Are all these factors (and perhaps more besides) preventing you from leaving?.

How is it that you're still paying your own bills; surely as you are married all this should be jointly shared.

What do you mean when you write he "allowed" you to retire?. You felt you needed his permission?. He is neither your boss nor jailer here but it seems he is acting as one.

I have a very limited income. He pays for everything apart from my phone bill .car tax and insurance.

Can you go back to work? Did you retire early?

It strikes me the problem here is a breakdown in communication. He asks you what’s wrong, and you won’t tell him, so how is he to know - he’s not a mind reader. You say he’s “hypercritical” - is this a new thing? If he is and it annoys you, you need to tell him, rather than bottling it all up, otherwise one day you may tell him rather too forcefully what the problems are. Consider what you want to change, and how to broach it with him. If he’s distant, can you make an approach to him? A touch, cuddling upon the sofa - just let him know you would welcome closeness. He’s asked you what the problem is, so he’s aware something’s the matter. You need to tell him what it is, and how it makes you feel, and what you think needs to change.

Is this how you want to spend the rest of your days. Can't you sell and take your Half. Live your life.

I've spoken to him many times about his picking fault. It's like talking to a brick wall.Im tired of telling him hence my withdrawn behaviour towards him. And it's not on purpose . I just can't be arsed anymore
His mother is the same. I've told him he's turning into her. Maybe it's a family thing.
I don't want to end up like his parents.
I will broach the subject again .

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this challenging time. It's clear that the changes in your relationship are causing a lot of stress and unhappiness. Open and honest communication is key, even if it feels difficult or might lead to a row. It might help to find a calm moment to express how you're feeling without assigning blame. Let him know that you miss the connection you once had and that you want to work together to improve things. Couples counseling could also be a valuable resource, providing a neutral space to address these issues with professional guidance. Remember, your feelings are valid, and it's important to take care of your emotional well-being.

I think he resents me not working.
I do all the cleaning cooking etc. I'm now tarting up the garden despite a bad back and knees .
He will do the odd load of washing and cook a breakfast the odd morning.

He thinks he's the boss of household !!!!!