Marrying into the same family dynamic you tried to escape

[comoatoupeira]

Hello ...
Has anyone else become aware, during their marriage, that they've unwittingly repeated the same dynamic that they grew up with?
Could you tell me about it?
When you realised it, what did you do about it?
Any success stories?
Short version: my family is really bad at discussing feelings and is very into pretending everything is OK. At the beginning of our relationship my DP and I were very active in discussing our feelings and our relationship, and now he doesn't want to do it anymore. He tells me "do we really have to talk about this?" all the time. We have two kids and he feels busy and overwhelmed. He just wants to "get on with life". I feel like I have no one to support me and to be emotionally honest with. Just like when I was a child/teenager in my family. I feel so sad about this. But I also understand how it happened, when you meet someone and you feel like you've "come home", there's a reason for that.
I talk to friends a lot but I would rather I could just talk to my DP. Also because I feel embarrassed that they know all the ins and outs of our relationship. But he doesn't want to.
Thank you.

Read up on Repetition Compulsion.

Well, I've left him now, but my x gave me martyrdom and darvo (Deny, Attack, Reverse victim offender roles) with a bit of verbal abuse the moment i tried to raise any issue with him. I tolerated it for as long as i did because my mother was similar. The moment I tried to raise any issue with her, my mother instantly gave me the silent treatment, from a position of being the victim of me. So both of them trained me that having my own perspective was "hurtful".

to be "kind" to both my mother and to my x, I needed to reflect back their view of themselves. That is kind. It is unkind to have my own interpretation of events.

Very interesting. I’m sorry that happened to you. Thank you.