Partner wants me to have an abortion

[Snugfawn]

Hi, So I found out a couple of weeks ago that I was pregnant, unplanned and a complete shock.

I'm 35 and have no children yet, I have PCOS and my left ovary doesn't release eggs so my fertility is low.

I'm just over 8 weeks pregnant currently.

My partners reaction straight away was abort, I feel upset by him being so sure he doesn't want the baby but tbf to him he has been clear prior to this situation that he doesn't want kids.

I'm however more on the fence of what I want. Before the news I was happy with my life and I'd accepted that I would be childfree and I didn't feel like anything was missing. But the thought of aborting I'm really struggling with.

I'm not even sure what I want anymore. One day I'm sure childfree is the way I want to live but the next day I want the complete opposite and to raise a family.

Also I know if he had been positive about the news the word abort would never have even been in my head.

I feel like I already resent my partner because he's robbed me of that joyful feeling and although he hasn't said he will leave if I keep the baby he's made it very clear he will be miserable and his words " I would have ruined his life"

Also I don't feel like it should be all the womans choice as it is a life changing decision that affects 2 people not 1.

I just really don't know what to do. I feel like if I abort this baby (I'venever had a pregnancy before) I'll never have the chance to be a mother.

But.. do I even want a child!? I love my life (well previously) and I love my freedom.

It feels like everyone else just knows they definitely want to have a family or not. I feel so overwhelmed and pressured to make a decision and I'm terrified of making the wrong choice and living with regret.

Sorry for the long post xx

If you're partner was happy with the news, would you be more inclined to want to keep it?

Separate his wishes from yours. So many people are horrified to find out they're pregnant but then absolutely love the baby when it arrives. Maternal instincts kick in.

No one can tell you what to do with your own body what ever choice is made is up to as it is your body no one can tell you otherwise

It's fuck all to do with him what you decide to do with your own body. His last chance to be a part of that decision making process was when he was having sex with you.

What do YOU want? Never mind him, you're not going to see him for dust whether you stay with him or not and whether or not you continue with your pregnancy. It's about you and what YOU want.

It's tricky. I'd not want to have a child where I knew it was unwanted by its father. Personally I'd abort then either leave or look at doing it alone.

Does he think you got pregnant on purpose?

This is probably your only chance to have a child, so i think you need to just think about what you want, not him.

You said he's robbed you of that joyful feeling. So that makes me think you do want to keep the baby

Your relationship is over OP regardless, so you have to make this decision for yourself. What he thinks doesn't come into it any more.

I found myself in the same situation at 45. All I can say is ds is now 15 and the greatest source of joy. I've not regretted my decision for a second. 😊Being a single mum has its difficult moments but it can be done.

Think carefully before you make a decision. Good luck

I think you need to look holistically...
Not quite pro & con but map it out a bit

Finances - income, Savings, mat pay, what cms can you claim
Housing - is it suitable? Is it secure?
Support - family and friends in the local area.
Your health - mental and physical. How do you deal with low sleep? Some fair better than others.
Parenting coparenting or just go it alone?
Do you actually want to be attached to this arsehole for 20 years plus?

I have 2 toddler and baby within a marriage - i wanted my children badly and i still found/find it very gruelling in the new born phase.
I would manage alone if i had to but honeslty im not sure i would choose it (my life was v really nice and carefree prebabies)

OP, what action do you think would be in the best interests of any future child. Thats the most important thing?

I would do what you want but look at it in a different way, he's already blaming you for ruining his life... I would dump him now anyway as he's shown his true colours, so you need to decide if you want to have this child or not

Also I don't feel like it should be all the womans choice as it is a life changing decision that affects 2 people not 1

Too bad he doesn’t feel the same about preventing pregnancy in the first place.

I mean if you really think the above, then no, don’t have the baby, because both of you should want it, otherwise the person saying no gets the last say. Personally though, I strongly disagree with you and think it’s completely your choice. He needs to grow up and own his own choices rather than blaming you.