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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationship flat after having a baby

1 reply

SarahClare · 03/06/2024 13:31

Hi,
Wanting some advice as to how normal my situation is.
Me and my bf have been together 8 years, had a baby 13.5 months ago.
We've never had any intimacy since conception and neither has there been an attempt to from either side.
I feel the relationship started having issues whilst I was pregnant, for example, I'd buy second hand furniture for the nursery and bf would be annoyed it was flat packed rather than pre built, I'd try and emphasise that it's an exciting purchase regardless but he'd still be very wound up.
He'd say comments such as 'where are you planning to sleep the baby' and 'When are you going to buy things for the nursery'. I'm not what you'd call sensitive but these statements really annoyed me.
In the 13.5 months he has very rarely contributed to the babys routine I.e bottles, feeds, baths, night times etc and still thought she was on porridge for breakfasts.
I'm at my wits end as to feeling like all of the responsibility is on my shoulders and I think this has also reflected deeper into our relationship. I mentioned it back at Christmas and things changed for a little bit but this was temporary and I'm back in the same situation.
She's teething really badly at the moment and last night was the worst possible night I'd have trying to settle her. My bf slept in the spare room to get some sleep for work even though we both have work today!
Would you try and fix this? I'm debating a relationship counsellor but know for sure he'd hate this suggestion!
WWYD

OP posts:
DahliaSmith · 03/06/2024 13:36

You can't fix this on your own, you need to both accept that there is an issue and work out a way to fix it, together. This will need both of you to be able to listen and communicate, and compromise. It sounds like you're already there with the compromise thing, raising a human takes a lot of that for a lot of years, and you need him to get up to speed. A relationship counsellor could help, but they don't have a magic wand and he would need to be up for it, and open to trying suggestions, not hate the idea.

A baby can make mincemeat of a relationship that wasn't firing on all cylinders to begin with, it definitely exposes any weak points, that's for sure.

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