How do I handle these comments

[No1toldmeaboutit]

My OH does a lot of the cooking in our house. He generally enjoys it and will admit he is a control freak about cooking, I can cook and I do cook but when he is there he takes over so I just let him, I will then generally do other bits like chopping, cooking one element of the meal, doing dishes as we go, getting the plates drinks ready etc. I never just leave him totally to it.

The issue I’m having is he will often criticise things I do or he will make comments about how he does the all the cooking. Now I know he does and i acknowledge this, I say thanks for every meal, I do the dishes after we have finished.

It’s recently really started to get to me and the more I think about it the more it’s winding me up as if he is there he just takes over, i enjoy cooking when he not there and there are times i will cook in the week if i am home before him.

Now I don’t want to be petty as it’s not a competition but i don’t feel the need to remind him and make comments that I do most of the cleaning, the shopping, I do all of the washing and ironing, I sort all the kids stuff out all the time and do the pick ups around my job, buy all the stuff they need etc.

any advice on how to respond to these comments or what to say? I don’t want to turn it into a competition of who does what but I feel like he undermines and undervalues everything I do actually do.

I think it should be that whoever is doing the cooking is left to it in the kitchen. Insist on that as a rule

@No1toldmeaboutit

“I can cook and I do cook but when he is there he takes over so I just let him.”

When he goes to take over, you just say in a determined voice “One man, one job.” Keep saying it until he retreats.

Usually works a treat.,

I think the next time he brings it up I'd be the sensible adult and tell him that his comments are upsetting to you, that you've not insisted he cooks and are grateful for him cooking but you do contribute to the household workloads but appreciate it's not a competition.

If he mentions it again I'd list all the things you do and ask him if he'd like to swap.

If it happens a 3rd time down tools and cook dinner, when he complains he has no pants and has to wash up remind him that you are taking his lead and you cooked therefore it's his responsibility to do everything else.

It's infuriating when your partner wants essentially a round of applause for doing stuff we do all the time without even thinking about it! Ask him when was the last time he cleaned the toilets or pulled out the shower drain to clean out the disgusting gunk! 😂 I bet he only cooks because he enjoys it.

You need to tell him how you feel, and stop thanking him for doing something you'd rather do for yourself. If you're meekly letting him take over, thanking him and cleaning up afterwards he's probably in blissful ignorance. My DH does almost all the cooking at the moment as our 2yo has a meltdown if I start cooking. He's a decent cook and does his best to make what I want, but knows I can't wait to be able to share the cooking and make food to my taste again.

Start mentioning how it’s unfair that you have to clean the bathroom. Etc. they don’t see what it takes to run a household and most couples are both working as well.
my DH will often take over the cooking. Mainly because I wander off while something is simmering and fold the clothes in tumble dryer. He will stir stuff 😂 constantly. Plus I treat the recipe more like a guide and dump a load of extra stuff in

sometimes I joke in his sous chef as I chop, prep etc and he comes along and stirs. We chat while that is happening and have a giggle.

next time he takes over though point it out to him and tell him as you’re cooking I’m going clean XYZ. And ask him to thank you

When your cooking and he comes to take over, kick him out and tell him to come back when everyone’s finished and he can do the pots!