What to do about this

[Decisiontimehelp]

I have posted before about this, but more things have transpired.

The partner and father of our child has got something wrong with him. He is in the trades and took on three apprentices and 2 fte. He has been losing money hand over fist and not telling me. When I've persistently asked questions about how he is running his business he has shut me down. Anyway the books are in and the account has told him he (us) are personally funding this "business". He jas £25k on credit cards at 25%.

It has occurred to me he has ADHD and dyscalculia. When I asked him about where it went wrong, he has no idea. I have asked him simple math questions and it is clear he can't do them. It is a complete blind spot.

He has said sorry and is looking for a job. He still appears to have a complete lavk of understanding about the consequences of having debt on credit cards and how long it will take him to pay it off.

I love him dearly, but I'm finding it really hard not to verbalise how I feel without being verbally abusive towards him. If it wasnt for the fact we have a child together I would definitely call it a day as this is not the life I want. I want a partner who is right in the head, but then I'm conflicted because should I be more understanding because he clearly has some funky brain wiring.

I think your way of looking at this is perhaps coming across wrong - saying you want someone "right in the head" is quite a harsh thing to say. Has your partner being diagnosed with anything? Does he have any support with any issues he has?

You can leave a relationship for any reason, if you want to leave because he's bad with money and put your family into a tricky situation with debt that's fine.

Don't stay just because you have a child when he's financially irresponsible and unreliable.

I know I sound harsh, but I'm dealing with a situation where my partner has been going out to work six days per week and instead of earning money....he has been paying himself on credit card. I think most partners would be throwing some swear words about. Something is clearly amiss in his thinking. No he hasn't been officially diagnosed with anything, but has done online questionaires and it's highly likely he has ADHD. I run a maths test on him myself and he is number blind. This has softened my reaction so I'm not calling him awful names and leaving him (even though I am feeling like it). He is going to get a job. He has said sorry and that he will put it right. He feels shame. I don't think he is a bad person. He needs to learn his strengths and weaknesses and find a job that doesn't need him to do maths based skills like scheduling etc.

I think you are being harsh because you're in shock. I think you need to give yourself and your husband some time to figure this out.

Yes, you are absolutely allowed to feel angry at how he mismanaged his business and got your family into debt. Absolutely!
But to say that this is because there's something mentally wrong with him, shows your complete lach of faith in him and respect for him.

A lot of people would be incredibly bad at managing a business, just because they lack the skills to do so. That doesn't mean they are mentally challenged.
And a lot of people with conditions such as ADHD are perfectly capable of running a business, because they have the skills to make it work.

You sya he's trying to fix things, getting a job, has said sorry. He obviously wasn't expecting this business to fail the way it has and feels bad. Give yourself and him some time to see if you can get past this. He has made some mistakes. It happens. Whether he learns from these mistakes is what defines his character and his worth as a partner.

I don't think k you're being harsh at all!
What a moron.

Starting a business Is a choice and as an adult he has failed to do his due diligence.
He didn't check he had the tools to succeed.

And now that has made you suffer.
You have every single right to be absolutly incandescent with rage

What's his plan?
You get to ask what his detailed and secure plan is to rectify this.

And I would tell him he also should be trying to work out why you should be staying.