Gift giving issue

[AppleStrudel23]

So it's my birthday and I told my husband don't get me anything or don't get me a lot because I'm really not fussed with getting presents, I just love having his company and doing things with him. He also usually writes me a love letter on my birthday and Christmas and that's my favourite thing that I always re read and keep safe.

A little background is we joke that our birthdays are joint birthdays because on his birthday he gets me a little gift from a gift shop if we go somewhere or I make a fuss of him too because it's nice sharing the day. So this year we want to go more screen free after we have our first baby who is due soon, so I bought some gifts for both of us. They weren't expensive or fancy, it was some cheap bath bombs, a deck of cards and the biggest thing was a 3D puzzle of the titanic because he's gotten me into the titanic!

Another point to make is I love giving gifts, more than I love getting gifts. I'm always looking at things to buy for other people or making a mental note of what to buy people, it just really brings me joy.

So anyway! Birthday morning arrives and I give him the stuff I bought because I'm also super excited to use them with him and it's a surprise. He then gives me my gift which is the love letter and a really thoughtful pretty gift (mother of pearl rosary beads) he'd bought while he was away recently. He then said that he didn't get me as much as I'd given him and he said he thought I didn't want anything so the gift he got was already breaking the rules.

So basically I feel really insensitive that I said "don't get me anything!" And the bought three things as a surprise gift while he was trying to surprise me by getting one thing.

I'm not sure what advice I am hoping for but I feel so guilty! I explained to him the gift I bought where also for me, so we could spend more time together doing things and that I absolutely loved his present but I feel like I totally killed his surprise.

I suppose I should learn this for next time. Should I be more transparent about presents and give up my total joy at surprises? I think it causes more issues in hindsight my strange surprise giving addiction.

Sorry if this makes no sense, I'm still quite sleepy

I think it's good to keep present buying as a normal part of birthdays, and for your child to see this as a nice way of showing people that you appreciate them.

You can surprise people whenever you like outwith birthdays.

There are so many threads on MN where gifts , or lack of them, have caused people so much upset and hurt - birthday gifts, mothers day, Christmas etc etc.

You seem to have a lovely relationship with your DH. The letter of love is a wonderful thing and just giving a small thoughtful gift seems really in keeping with what gift giving should be about.

I think on this occasion you have over complicated things and possibly taken away a bit of his pleasure in his gifting to you. However you did what you did, buying the presents for both of you, with the best of intentions. You have explained that to him so feeling bad about it isn't going to help the situation. I think you should just make sure in future you go back to just doing things very simply. Don't over complicate things.