Is my sister jealous of me?

[Purplepeachesneonbeaches]

There's lots of complicated family dynamics but I'll try to be succinct.

My sister is 9 years older than me and always wanted to have a jet setting lifestyle, travel the world etc. For one reason or another, it didn't happen and she got married, had a family and stayed at home with the kids.

I never had any interest in the jet setting life and just wanted to get married and stay at home with my kids. However shortly after our wedding, my husband got moved overseas (Europe) and we unwittingly started a new life there. It wasn't one of our plans but it ended up being amazing. We went on to have 2 kids and we are so settled and happy. I don't go on about it but I do have a day to day life that sometimes involves major tourist attractions/beauty spots/famous landmarks etc. If I'm talking to my sister about my weekend plans I'm not going to lie but lately I've been holding back more and more.

I go home to the UK around 4 times a year and when I mention anything about my life, just in passing, I've noticed that she will pull a face, say something like 'sounds weird' or 'don't you ever get bored of going to [insert beautiful place]?' Sometimes she will just look into the distance and say nothing or kind of yawn when I'm talking. Today I mentioned some plans we have for the summer and she barely looked at me and just said 'what's the point? You've been there before'.

I do not swan around being all superior because I live in a European country. There are pitfalls and the daily grind everywhere and I still have to do the school run, clean the toilet, sort out doctors stuff etc etc. Day to day life admin doesn't go away, but I've even stopped mentioning that as I feel like I can see a flash of glee in her eyes if I ever mention anything negative.

Telling her good things or bad things about my life always seems to make her go weird! My husband is convinced it's jealousy. I just don't know how I can have a relationship with someone who is so against my happiness. She has been out to visit us and I could tell she had a good time but says she doesn't want to come back 'as there's nothing new to see'.

I've loads of friends still in the UK and they seem to understand that I do still do the humdrum things each day but that I also do very special things regularly and I can tell that they don't think I'm boastful or braggy; just sharing the day to day things of my life. Im interested in my friends lives and my sister's too. I never forget a birthday, Im in regluar contact, althought ibe stopped video calling due to the faux boredom and deliberate yawning. One of the last times we video chatted when I was heavily pregnant and I told her the name we were going to use for the baby. Its a local name but she made a big deal out of pretending to stifle her laughter behind her hand as it was so ludicrous. It's a totally normal, easy name, just not British!

I love going home to the UK, love touring around places we've not been to ,love love love many aspects of UK life/culture and don't feel like I'm better than my sister. She just acts so weird. Is it jealousy?

What sort of stuff is she up to at the weekends when you ask her? Do you ask her? It’s hard to
say if it’s jealousy or not really.

Of course I ask her. She'll just say she went to the shops or for a coffee with her husband. If I ask more she'll just say 'nothing much'. It can be like getting blood out of a stone tbh.

Maybe she just doesn't enjoy talking to you if she's not forthcoming either way?

Maybe not 😞

If it's making you feel bad to keep this up with her why don't you just drop the rope bit?

Don't tell her what you do

Talk about the children, politics,TV shows, clothes, gardening......anything really.

Just dont talk about what you do

See how that goes

I regularly tell my brother I am jealous of his adventures as he travels and sees so many places. However I love hearing and seeing pics, I am always messaging ringing to find out. My days are no where near exciting (I have never been abroad as an adult).
As long as you are showing interest in her life, which I am guessing you are she sounds a little bitter. However she could just be struggling to accept you living her 'dream' so I would go easy on her and not take it to heart too much.

I just wouldn't mention it, and chat about many other things instead.

Sibling relationships can be challenging. My sister and myself couldn’t be more different if we tried.

My dh is very good mates with one sibling, but hasn’t spoken to the other in many years.

I suggest you just avoid any contentious issues if you do want to keep in touch.

I would guess yes. She probably feels she has missed out on the life she thought she would have and feels a bit envious of yours.

Just don't tell her what you are doing if you want to maintain a relationship via calls etc. If she asks just say just the usual etc.

Thing is, she gets pouty if she hears things from other people and not me first. I'd already told my Dad about our upcoming holiday and he thought it sounded great. I knew she would be annoyed if I told him and didn't tell her and I mentioned it in passing, very low key but was dreading it as I knew she'd pull a face or make some kind of comment. I feel like I do have to play down or not.mention a lot of my life.

I'll just not talk about trigger points and keep things more neutral.

I mean she sounds rude, all the fake yawning and stuff would do my head in. I'm too blunt, I'd have to say "oh sorry Sue, am I boring you?"

Maybe it's envy (it's probably a little bit of envy), maybe she just doesn't like you much, maybe she's just a rude person... Maybe it's a little of columns a, b and c. Who knows?

But if it's upsetting you I'd just pull back a bit. If she gets the hump because you're not telling her stuff then either be honest and say "well you always seem so bored or uninterested so I just thought I'd stop telling you things" or just fuck it, let her have a sulk about it.

If you live overseas and don’t have to see her much then pull back from her. She isn’t happy for you is she ?

She acts like she doesn't like me but then makes comments about how she never sees me any more. My dad tells.me that she misses me when I'm away but when we're together she's so weird and quite unpleasant at times. I find it quite confusing. I have pulled back in the past and she made a big deal about me going cold on her. She doesn't agree that she is rude to me and says I'm too sensitive and serious. It goes around in circles. I guess I've always looked up to her since I can remember and it's not nice that she sort of looks down on me. I really do try to be a caring, interested sister and aunt bit she kind of acts like she finds me very annoying.

Tell me you live in Switzerland without saying “I live in Switzerland” 🇨🇭

Haha nope, I do not live in Switzerland 😀

How would you describe her as a person? My older sister is abit like this. I would definitely say my sister is a glass half full if not now very empty. She can be negative about so much where as i try to be positive about everything. In a nutshell shes hard work. Would you be friends with your sister if she wasn't your sister? Maybe as you have grown older you have changed. Its sad you are now having to change how you are around her. I not do make a point of adding "i know your not going to understand this... Or i know its not your thing" when i tell my sister anything. But please don't feel bad for how she is behaving. Bottom line is, if she isn't happy with her life she needs to change it not resent you.

I have a sister who is like this in some ways. She isn’t pleased for me, doesn’t really want me to have what she wants or can’t have . Behaves rudely and is completely self centred. I’ve got to the point now where I realise I don’t like her, don’t enjoy being with her and no longer care what she thinks of me. I keep conversation very surface now, barely message her and see her about once a year for a day . It’s taken years of hurt feelings for me to get to this point. Just stop trying. Be civil if you see her but don’t share personal info and keep conversation light and superficial with no personal content. Minimise contact. Just give up on hoping for a better relationship.

I don't like her much tbh. I've tried because I do try to invest in all of my relationships and make sure I'm doing my best so any breakdown in a relationship isn't on me. She doesn't have any friends and doesn't seen to be able to relate to people. She comes out with really weird things and is very judgemental and passremarkable, about everyone. She seems to be very superior to everyone but i also suspect she has v low self esteem. My dh says she speaks to me like she thinks I'm an idiot. We went for a ofdee the last time I was home and met an old family friend who was asking me what I'm up to these days. He was loving hearing about where I live (wow! Good for you!) and my sister kept injerjecting things to imply the place is pretty dull. She started getting a bit desperate and cut into the conversation to totally change the subject. Afterwards, the family friend took me aside and said 'what on earth was that all about?'. I kind of laughed and thought 'oh wow, you've noticed it too!'

I spent ages trying to figure out what suggested Switzerland when I saw your comment as couldn't see what suggest this at all. If only I had scrolled down to the next comment.🤪🤣

Maybe she’s just a bit bored of hearing about it? I can’t believe she’d be jealous of someone living in a different city to her (I’m struggling to think of this amazing European city tbh, wherever you live you still have to do the same things and all countries have fun touristy things to do including the UK!).

You do sound like you spend a lot of time talking about yourself and your life and how amazing it is. Maybe try and talk about other things, her life, her interests , what's going on in the world. Can you go out for the day and do something like together , something fun? It sounds like you're treating her like an audience for your wonderful life.

This^
I wonder if despite of being sisters in reality you are two very different people with very different lives.
I’m not saying that it’s bad or someone’s fault but when it happens it requires a special effort on both sides to communicate and a bit more of understanding then if you are siblings of approximately similar age living at the same town and having similar problems.
You had different goals from the beginning. You live in different countries now and your lifestyle is very different. Plus you are probably on different life stages due to age gap.
Do you have in real life a friend who is similar to your sister ? If not that’s your answer. So I would keep in touch with her but I would be more realistic in expectations and less detailed about your life.
She does sound jealous and it’s not nice. I wouldn’t pander this things about being the first to know news, mine did this too and I went along but then stopped it.

However as she is not sharing about her life much I wonder if she is struggling a bit, it’s just a thought. It can be quite tricky at the moment in UK with all problems whereas it sounds like you have less financial worries. Plus your sister is older so maybe pre menopause issues are affecting her already. Just consider the possibility. Mine was absolutely impossible at some point and only now I’ve realised that it was her perimenopause. She is at the other side now and much more calm and relaxed.