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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Friendship struggles

3 replies

ThisDreamyTurtle · 02/06/2024 20:13

I have a friend (Becky) and a family friend (jenny) , who recently both befriended each other since becoming single.

recently I told Becky about my relationship drama with my partner, and a few days later I was with jenny and she asked about it.

im a bit annoyed they’ve been talking about me? Like , when I told Becky it was in confidence. I didn’t expect it to be discussed with other people.

they go on nights out every few days, and I have children etc and bills. They both live with their parents (we’re in our 30s) so we’re not on the same page in that sense.
and when I’ve invited them to my family bbqs, they show up hours late drinking shots and try convince me to go out in town with them, which obviously I say no as I’ve got my kids etc and they’ll always come first, plus it’s my bbq so I won’t throw my family out of my garden to go out drinking.

they also sleep with men all the time. And on the odd occasion I’ve been to a pub with them, they’re chatting up men and try encourage me to do the same. Knowing I have a partner and kids! So I end up going home.

and yes I’ve slated my partner to Becky when we’ve argued etc. but we’re really good friends so I felt I could vent. She did to me when she had a boyfriend! , so yes that’s my own fault, but instead of supporting me she just made comments like I should just dump him, offload the kids at his every weekend and go out with her and jenny.

when I’ve met up with them both all they talk about is what guy they’re chatting to , how many they’ve had sex with that week, going out etc. and I’m here just hoping to discuss things we can all talk about.

am I being daft? Or do you think how I’m feeling sounds right in this situation?
should I be creating some distance? I just feel down really. Because I’m never considered. But previously I’ve been there for both of them.
maybe we’ve outgrown each other?

OP posts:
Mary46 · 02/06/2024 20:41

Different life stages I think op. I do feel I outgrew some friendships. So it kind of fizzled out

hopscotcher · 02/06/2024 20:50

It sounds as if you're in different places at the moment, but I wouldn't give up on the friendships altogether. All of your lives, and therefore the dynamics, might change in the future.
Like you though, I'd be a bit annoyed about Jenny knowing about your relationship dramas - did you tell Becky this was in confidence? I think, be careful what you confide in her in future.

ThisDreamyTurtle · 03/06/2024 14:46

Yeah I’m now wondering how many other things people have been told that I’ve been unaware of, but that might be me overthinking it.
you’re right though. I think I’ll give some distance but not cut them off.
its okay for them to do whatever they want, I believe we should all do what makes us happy! But my happy is different to theirs.

do you think it’d be acceptable for me to say I’m happy for them etc but I’m in a different place. And that I’m not into drinking etc so if they’d like to do anything together I’d be down for getting food , and if I invite them over it’s a family setting and I’d really appreciate them just telling me if they don’t want to come and would rather go out drinking etc , than show up drunk trying to make me go out.

I think some boundaries need setting in a polite way?

I won’t be telling her really personal stuff anymore , or anything I don’t want anyone else knowing.

Thankyou for listening I really appreciate it.

OP posts:
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