Has he cheated? How do I handle this?

[Stargirl2707]

I was flicking through the different folders in my Facebook messenger and noticed a spam folder. Someone had messaged me from a now deactivated account a few months ago telling me my partner was cheating on me, but I only saw it yesterday.

This has really thrown me. We have a DS and have been together 8 years.
I showed him the message and he acted quite blasé about it as if to say “who’d write such a stupid thing”. Not spoken about it since.

im not sure how to handle this. Do I push to know more, knowing high chance he would deny and no proof anywhere and no idea who the person who sent the message was.
Do I cause an argument where it’s his word against a mystery person?

Any kind of details on the message? Dates, times etc?

I'd be inclined to pretend I thought it was a wind up. But discretely start paying more attention to his comings and going etc.

Is he name dropping anyone lately (eg: new work colleague lady?). Or texting anyone late at night from bed? Or any other red flags?

Could have been the person he had cheated with who let you know without giving away who they were. It could have also been someone trying to stir stuff.

Has he been acting differently recently?

Sorry to share, this probably won't make you feel better. However same thing happened with my ex, someone (fake account) messaged me and it ended up in the spam Instagram folder so I didn't see it for a few weeks. When I opened it, it was a lady that saw my Ex-DP out with another woman. This fake account must've be someone we both know.

I confronted him immediately and he laughed and said people were "jealous" of us.

I instantly believed him because I couldn't believe he would do that.

2 years after that message, it was revealed that it was true. When I had evidence I confronted him and he confessed. I forgave him but the relationship didn't work out because of ANOTHER OW.

I'm not saying your DP is guilty, but sometimes there's no wood without fire.

Smoke without fire*

Regarding pp, I think anyone responding with 'they're jealous of us' in that scenario is pretty telling. Most people don't talk about jealousy much because its not a factor in their life. It wouldn't occur to them to accuse other people of such, unsavory feelings.

Narcissists and similar though, are regularly jealous, spiteful, hateful, disloyal and fake. So they regularly jump to accuse others of those very same things.

So if he were to say 'they're just jealous', imo it would further hint towards him not being the most savoury of characters imo.

Dunno if that rings true for you @ExpectantEs ?

Did the message give any details or information?
Unless either you or your DP have seriously upset someone and they are trying to get their own back by causing trouble it seems unlikely that someone would have made up an allegation of cheating without there being some truth behind it.
When you confronted your partner would you not have expected a more angry or indignant response? More conjecture from him about the person sending the message and their motives?
Going forward, as pp said, you would be best to be on your guard and on the look out for any behaviour by your partner that might suggest he is up to something.

@Pinkbonbon Rings true more than you'll ever know. My ex was a true narcissist & I didn't know

Am I wroung to adk my bf to help towards foid costs as he us at mine full time since not working. He says I can spend my state benefit payments on keeping him as he is entitled to them as much as I am! He won't spend much as he wants to move from his house and buy another house. This will not mean I am moving in or contributing to this house. I have my own place. He calls me names, insults me, won't help me around my place and calls me lazy despite him doing nothing and eating me out if house and home every week. I have yelled at him and told him to leave but he won't go. I am 53, no kids.It's like having a toddler. Oh, and I am disabled but he doesn't accept that either. What should I do? This is driving me crazy. I am unhappy and we argue a lot. He is violent. I think I would be better on my own.

You need to start your own thread pp. But, call the police and tell them about your oartbers violence. Once they get him out, change your locks.

The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none.

When you confronted your partner would you not have expected a more angry or indignant response? More conjecture from him about the person sending the message and their motives?

Well according to previous MN threads, where a man has responded angrily and speculated about motives, that is also a sign of guilt. Women have been assured that, if he were innocent, he'd have responded calmly because he knew the truth and has nothing to fear.

Tbh, OP, I don't know what I'd think if I received a message like that. I'd want to believe him but, in reality, how many people really go around messaging people telling them their partner is cheating just for the laughs?

Oh I see this is an old thread 🙄

I believe there's truth to it x

You need your own thread. You also need to end this 'relationship'