Another finances one...

[msbuzzcocks]

DP and I have been together 10 years, living together for 7 of those. We have 2 DC together, aged 3, and a new 15 week old.

House is in my name only, as I was ready to buy / had my own deposit, and he told me his credit rating was shot to pieces at that point due to identity fraud that he was still sorting out. He did move in right away though.

I got myself into a bit of trouble with cc debt over the years, told him all of it, he supported me while I paid it off - he has always contributed at least half of all bills, including mortgage, but took on paying for more food shopping, car etc.

I am now debt free, and would like to look at moving house, which we'd now do on a joint mortgage.

He will every so often reference his poor credit rating, and has been taking steps to build this in recent years as agrees our plan should be to move - though his timescales are a bit more stretched than mine, as he has this "6 years" marker in his head for when his previous issues disappear from his credit file.

The thing is, I am certain these "issues" are an IVA. I once (some years ago) saw a letter he'd stashed in his bedside drawer about management of his IVA, and went and looked on the online register and his name was on it. I never said anything at the time as I felt he'd tell me when he was ready, and it was never really an issue for me as he was paying everything needed.

I spoke to him earlier this week and said I'd like to have a bit of a chat about finances and particularly financial history, as I know there's more to his than a couple of missed payments, that I'm not angry or judgemental or anything as I've struggled with cc debt myself too, but I just really needed us to be open and honest so that we can properly plan our next steps.

He swore blind, to my face, he's never had an IVA, and got mad when I pressed him - "are you calling me a liar here?" Etc. I didn't tell him I'd seen a letter years ago or looked him up.

Checking the register now, his name is not on it - which I expected, as I do think it would have ended years ago.

It probably doesn't matter, as I think we'd still get a mortgage given the time passed - I am just really struggling with the dishonesty though, to the point I don't think I can get past it / let it go?

But I have two babies, and we have a nice life - I don't want to blow the whole thing up! Though I think that's the advice I'd give a friend? Not really sure what I'm asking - just a hand hold really.

Sorry, TL;DR - DP lying about financial history, but otherwise happy with two babies. WWYD? 😩

As you are not married, i feel you need a cohabitation agreement as part of your onward mortgaging.

Even if he's hiding his credit history from you, it will be apparent when he and you apply for a mortgage whether he is creditworthy or not.

Search the London Gazette for his name rather than The Insolvency Register to make sure he’s not bankrupt.

https://m.thegazette.co.uk/insolvency

The insolvency register will remove the name once the period of financial penalty is up (so if you have an IVA for 5 years your name will only be on the register for 5 years) but the London Gazette is a more permanent historical record and you stay in the gazette for ever.

It will all come out one way or another if he applies for a mortgage so I’d be worried if he’s not being honest with you now, even if he has escaped his IVA or whatever he had.

@StrawberryWater Thanks for this.

I've looked up the equivalent in Scotland, (it's the Edinburgh Gazette,) and his name doesn't appear - however after a quick google, apparently Trust Deeds (which are the Scottish IVA) after 2013 are not listed in the Gazette.

Similarly, once closed off, they disappear from the AIB one year after discharge. (And from credit reference agencies after 6 years - so even if I asked him to show me his credit report, it likely wouldn't appear.)

I suspect this IVA would have been set up around 2015, discharged in 2020.

I am weirdly less concerned about the mortgage application - as I know it will come out in the wash - and more distraught at the impact on our relationship.

I just keep looking at him thinking, how could you possibly lie straight to my face??

@MrsMoastyToasty

I know.

I'm just evaluating whether or not to stay with him, if he can lie to me like this - or if it's a post partum overreaction. I'm quite emotional about it.

I can see why this is bothering you.

But what’s strange is that you have known he is lying to you by omission for years. You stayed, lived together and chose to have children with him.

He was lying then and still lying now. I get you feel there’s a difference that he is lying to your face. But he has been lying about those for years. You have known he was lying. Is there a reason it’s more of an issue for you now especially since it’s been done with for years?

@Itsonlymashadow Totally valid question.

I think I felt, as it was fairly early on in our relationship, I understood why he wouldn't have told me at that point? We actively chose not to mix our finances in a joint mortgage.

As things have developed, years later with kids etc, I've now said - look, I get why you didn't tell me then, but I know there's more to this, likely an IVA or something, which is ok - I just need you to be honest now.

Fully expecting him to tell me the truth. Maybe I'm being naive, but I genuinely can't believe he hasn't.