Is he a narcissist

[ByNimbleFox]

Long post -
Been with my partner almost 25 years. We have 3 children and I have two from a previous relationship.
We are not married, he apparently never wants to marry! We keep our finances separate (mainly his choice)He works hard and earns a lot of money. I haven’t a clue how much money he has, I did ask years ago but never told me! Red flag I know (now) I get an allowance to cover food, bills etc for the home and if I need extra money for children’s clothes etc he transfers it over.
Usually he will do this without question but lately he has been quizzing me a lot over how much money he has to keep sending.
i do work minimal hours for childcare reasons
He has always been selfish and self centred, never with his children I will say that, he is a very good dad.
Whenever we argue and I pull him up on things he always twists it round to me. He can never accept responsibility and will turn it round to blame me for things For years now I feel as though I’m not good enough for him and he looks down on me. Now I’m seeing through it all. I will never give him the satisfaction of those words leaving my mouth again as I feel I deserve better.
He feels as though as he’s the one that works hard and provides for us all that he should be be expected to do anything around the home.
i get told you don’t know how lucky you are to have a life like you have.
He has had a falling out with one of my adult children and this is making my life very uncomfortable as he doesn’t seem to want to resolve the issue. There is grandchildren involved and my child is not welcome in our home.
His negativity and moaning about everything is getting to me. When we are out he walks about twenty paces ahead of me telling me to stop being so slow.
He will laugh about things I say or do but often in a jokey sense, sometimes I can’t work out if he is belittling me or I’m just being so sensitive as he calls me.
He will often mock me in front of others about certain topics but when we are alone he validates these things in conversation.
i feel like sometimes im the crazy one, maybe i am over sensitive or my self esteem has been battered so much.
i do feel as though I’ve had enough but im scared of what the future holds. I keep thinking things will get better but is he someone that will never change!

I do not know if he has a personality disorder but he is abusing you.

How can you be helped into leaving your abuser?. You are being emotionally and economically abused here. He deigns to give you an allowance which is itself demeaning to you.

Women in poor relationships often write the good dad comment like you have done when they can think of nothing else positive to write about their man. His decision not to marry you is deliberate because he does not want to share. He is also NOT a good dad to his children if you are treated like this. He’s also fallen out with one of your adult children, I would think that person has the measure of your man and has spoken their mind accordingly.

Better to be on your own than to be this badly accompanied. You are in an abusive relationship with this man and therefore the relationship is well and truly over. Do not waste any more of your life thinking that things will get better because they will
not as long as you remain with him for whatever reasons or remain bogged down in your sunk costs.

please contact Womens Aid and get their advice too.

Are your children young enough that he would need to pay child support?
Any man who refuses to do anything at home because he is the main earner but restricts partner's income is a red flag.
He doesn't want to get married as a divorce would entitle you to spousal support.

Is your name on the house?
Go see a solicitor to see what your rights would be if you left/kicked him out. Doesn't mean you need to act on it but you deserve better.

Yes the children are young enough he would have to pay support for many years.
My name is on the house.
i have often thought he never wanted marriage incase i took half of all his assets - if that is the case it’s been doomed from the start