Did he genuinely want me?

[Gardenproud]

My teen friendship group included boy C and boy A. Boy C was, and remained good friends with boy A who became my husband. Boy C always hinted he ‘more than ‘ liked me and we came close to getting together, but I couldn’t commit and that was that, or so I thought.

Over the intervening 40 years, our teen friendship group stuck together even though we all live in different places, meeting up for birthdays etc. Boy C has twice messaged me privately looking to hook up even though we are each married with kids. I have gently knocked him back ( whilst secretly flattered).

He recently died, which was devastating, but I had a bit of an epiphany at the funeral. He was probably a chancer who slept around! I had stupidly thought I was his teen crush for ever type of thing, not just a number in his shagbook.

So why am I so let down? Now I’ll never have the chance to ask him, or find out- I’m not even sure why I’m so bothered about it..

any thoughts?

I think you are grieving so go easy on yourself. You will never know what his true feelings were but just be glad you never went there!

I have a childhood friend who has tried it on a couple of times over the years but I don't think I'm the only one

I agree, he was probably a player and didn't have good intentions, especially if he was you DH's mate. However, he was also a friend you'd known many years so you are grieving so I wouldn't over analyse because you will never know.

I'm sorry for your loss

Any evidence that he was a player or did shaggy around? If not I'd opt to think of a dead friend in a more favourable light.

I think the early impressions we form if people can be hard to shift. Doubled with the warm feeling for them when they say things that make us feel appreciated/complimented/wanted. So we don't have reason to take the time to reevaluate the friendships or give much thought to their morality or intentions.

Until they do or say something hurtful. Or, in this case, pass away. And that brings them back into focus.

You can see now that he actually wasn't a very respectful person. That he maybe wasn't very good friend material either. And of course that's sad. But I think its fair to say that everyone has their shortcomings. Everyone is capable of letting people down. Perhaps it's best to look back at the good, rather than judge him for the bad, which he is no longer around to take ownership of.

Thanks for these replies, they have settled my mind a great deal. I’ll focus on the good parts of our friendship and let intrusive thoughts disappear into the mists of time, where they belong.

No evidence, you’re quite right, and I’ll do that.

The fact you know each other so long
and that he contacted you privately tells me that he had feelings for you. Someone who shags around wouldnt really go that close to home especially being friends with your husband and he knowing you so long in my opinion.
similar has happened to me. Kissed the childhood boy c xmas two years ago, he initiated all. He mentioned having a
connection Always etc But never initiated contact with me first since that. Eventhough he did all
the running
during our teenage years. I wish he would and i know i shoudnt but i know if he did id know he still cared. Your boy C did. In my opinion that says it all. Mind yourself

Your last paragraph reflects my feelings exactly. ‘’Mind yourself’ right back at you xx

He probably did want you - but not for the right reasons.

Go easy on yourself.