Why am I not enough for him?

[Grassisntalwaysgreener54]

I've always started that honesty is so important to me and I hoped to base our relationship on that.
We promised that if either of us contacted our exes for whatever reason we'd be open about that.
You know what follows next,...I found a deleted photograph on his phone, and search history in the same day of her workplace, no texts messages or anything just the photo so they'd obviously been communicating.
After all we'd said I feel so disappointed thought we were good but clearly I'm wrong otherwise why would he feel the need to do this. I'm sure they are just friends but it's the deleted stuff and concealment that's the worst. And yes ofc it's wrong I looked and that's bad of me but you know sometimes....

But what has he actually done????
I really don’t understand this.
He may have done all sorts of things. We don’t know him from Adam.
But there is nothing much in the OP to suggest he’s been up to anything much? Why this huge leap to him being ‘immoral, fake and shallow as a puddle’??????

Please explain yourself. Be very careful before you declare someone's comment to be "Nonsense." If you make accusations of bias and lack of any sense, (you did) then back it up with more than your opinion. What evidence do you have to support your claims?

I think @Pinkbonbon's post has received a lot of support. Not as sure about yours.

Thank you, yes who knows why he felt the need to contact her in the first place but it makes me feel unsafe.

To be fair I don't really have to explain my reasoning as to why I did this. I had a feeling something was off and followed my gut.
It's not just this for example a few years ago I caught his messaging and arranging to meet other women (he didn't because I found out) so he has history, this is just the emotional connection I'm concerned about now

But what did it really have to do with this situation? There isn't much to suggest the partner has cheated, it went right off at the deep end and a few posters have been swept along by the strong 'you go girl!' language.

That's a bit of a drip feed. Don't stay in a relationship where someone is only faithful because you're one step ahead with the surveillance. What's the point? They don't really want to be there, not on the terms you want. cut your losses rather than trying to manage this with rules and spying. Much healthier mentally.

Not forgetting the slightly odd agreement that they would confess about contacting their exes? This doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship.

And pps are right. The OP is asking the wrong question. Not ‘why am I not enough for him?’ but ‘Why am I wasting my time with someone not meeting my needs?’

I am in constant amazement at the MN hypocrisy by some posters.

Yes yes we say we all believe in privacy and trust is all - until you 'get a hunch' and then it's all out the window and seems perfectly acceptable to go riding roughshod over and previous moral boundaries.

Then you start getting strange posts from other posters celebrating this gross invasion of your partners privacy. I say 'gross' because that is EXACTLY what it was. Seeing a notification pop up on an unlocked phone is one thing. Searching deleted files and photos is fairly vile and not a little paranoid and yet one poster thinks your partner is the awful one ! It defies all logic as there is no one shred of evidence to damn him as she has done.

I for one would be ending my marriage if my DH thought that looking through my phone without my knowledge was a more appropriate way of behaving than simply asking me if anything was wrong.