Need some advice please

[Leaj33]

I can't believe I am doing this but I have no family or friends to talk to. It's a long one and I'm not very good with words or explaining so please bare with me. I appreciate it.

So me and my partner have been together 4 years nearly. The last year and half has been very very stressful to say the least ( very complex situation) no cheating or anything like that. Just alot of bickering, nor being able to do anything without stress and atmosphere.

Last week he decided we were over then spoke to me and said he just needs space and we will have a break with no contact apart from that for the kids. He said he will speak to me again in 4 weeks. He said he is making no promises to me that we are getting back together we will just evaluate the situation. Isn't this dragging it on? Is he doing it so I'm holding onto hope and not so upset as he keeps saying he doesn't want to hurt me doesn't want to see me upset. Ever since he said it there has been no kisses on end of texts. He has become very cold with me.

My head and heart is absolutely broken and I don't know what to do. Would you give him space and have no contact with the risk of in 4 weeks he says it's still over or he wants more space and I start healing right from scratch, drag it on and on or would you just end it and concentrate on fixing yourself and the kids.

He is a decent man and has tried his best OK he does have faults but don't we all. My mental health has been really bad as the situation is so complex. I am torn between if he wanted me and his family he wouldn't be doing this especially since he knows the situation. Or is it his way of trying to help me fix my issues by myself then coming back once there a little better. Surly you don't do that to your family.? Surly you help each other. I'm doubting everything and really don't know what to do.

Any help advice or a chat would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

i'd use this time to think about what you want
forget what he wants or needs focus on you
use these 4 weeks to start a new routine for you and your kids
you never know you might like it
start thinking what you want but don't let him call the shots
your feelings are as just important as his

Are they his kids too? And he’s decided to have nothing to do with any of you for a month?

It's hard to comment without knowing what has caused the complex situation that has caused you such stress. I would take these 4 weeks to concentrate on yourself and the children and try to work out your future should you end up separated.
Its horrible to feel in limbo like this but start with how you can help yourself to be stronger and what steps you can take to solve your personal issues. He may or may not come back but the best thing for you is to be there for yourself and your kids and seek professional help if you can.

The youngest is his he took the other two on.

Thank you I am currently having counselling and have planned a few baby groups mums group. It's just so hard being in limbo. It's also a very long story with the complex situation and very personal. However it isn't mine and his fault. He hasn't cheated or anything like that. I'm just not sure is he can handle the stress which I don't blame him however think how can it be so easy to just walk away or need space if we matter that much

It's not that he has choose to have nothing to do with us he is seeing the kids on a weekend and taking the 2 year old to Nusery one day a week.

Honestly sounds like he wants a month to be single. To either sleep around/see if anyone's interested or he's trialling another woman with you on the back burner in case it doesn't work out.

So sorry x

Or is it his way of trying to help me fix my issues by myself

From the above it sounds as though there may be a huge backstory that you're not telling us.

This.

Sorry it sounds like it's over, if he wanted to be with you he would. I would make a start to move on than waiting for his return.
Don't chase him, if he wants to he'll come back, but tbh if the relationship has been that stressful perhaps it's for the best.

Thank you. It honestly isn't anoutger women I know that. We spoke and he said he feels stressed and depressed and there are things we both need to work on. I'm just going to concentrate on the kids and he will do what he needs to. I won't be contacting him and I will respect his decision to have space. What will be will be I suppose.

The back story is absolutely huge and all I can say is it's caused us both alot of stress and we both have real effects from it it wasn't to do with our relationship.

It sound to me like he is wanting 4 weeks with no family responsibility to sort out his life without you in it. Like viewing other houses and/or messing around looking on dating sites without you looking over his shoulder.

Personally I'd be telling him he needs to make arrangements to look after his kid 50% of the time during that week.
If he wants a trial separation, then he can have it with all that comes with it.