The End But Not Really

[SooooDone]

So I'm Done.
I feel like I have actually been pushed to that point where I just so do not want to tolerate another moment with this 'man'.
He contributes nothing to my life. Sexually, emotionally, financially NOTHING.
Why am I still doing this? Because of my DC. I know I shouldn't do this for them alone. BUT, my DS (10) is not well, has been diagnosed with an autoimmune disease that I am pretty sure has come about because of stress.
I will carry on because I feel I have to. But I want out. I 100% believe in marriage and the vows I made. I will stick this out for my DC. BUT I am sooo unhappy. Not even sure what I am aiming to get out of this post. Is there anyone that sticks it out for their children?

Where is the stress coming from in your child's life? Maybe it's the current homelife they're experiencing?

It may not serve your dc well for you to stay in the marriage. If their father is such a poor husband to you, maybe the environment at home is awful and staying together for the children is actually a disservice to them.

Erm what? Your child has a stress related illness and instead of making their life less stressful you're going to carry on making them live in the stress? Do you hear yourself?

Actually, DC quite unaware of what is going on. We're not living in a war zone at home with constant arguing or anything like that. Stress is completely unrelated to this situation. In fact, DC is pretty much out the other side, I feel breaking up this family would be more stressful.

Children pick up on so much more than you realise. You don’t have to be rowing in front of them for it to be affecting them.

do you think they can’t sense how desperately unhappy you are?

I 100% believe a stable loving relationship or marriage is the best environment for children but when that’s not the case and hasn’t been for a long time, the surface level factor of two adults in the same house isn’t important.

So many people say they’re ’just staying for the kids’, but mostly it’s just down to fear. Which is understandable but I think it’s a fallacy to pretend that living in such misery is what is best for them, or you.

Nonsense. You're deluding yourself.

Well it seems to me like the main sources for stress of a 10 Yr old are homelife, school/friends or health.

I'd be surprised if you successfully hide that your relationship with your husband is so bad. Step aside, Ms Streep.

And if he contributes nothing, what dort of example is he as a father, and what sort of model of relationships are you teaching your dc?

Would you want them to stick out such a relationship themselves in the future? Would you want them to replicate the roles they're being taught?

Just to say, my parents rarely argued, but in turn, barely communicated. It was my entire understanding that they didn't love each other and life felt so unsafe my whole childhood. I would be so in awe of friend's parents when I would see them actually like each other. At 23, my DM had an affair and left. It was THE best thing as I know longer lived with the fear that it was going to happen and both parents were much happier as a result. As an adult, I now enjoy my relationship with my dad (mum is another story for different reasons!) as he is happy. As a parent myself now, I completely understand the fear of separation for the child's sake but I think for me, it's more the fear of splitting my time with my son. Kids are incredibly resilient but also very perceptive, and I fear other posters are correct that your son will be picking up on more of what's going on than you think. They ultimately want their parents to be happy, when something is 'off' it can be incredibly nerve wracking for a child. Put yourself first here, but for the sake of your son.

You cannot and should not continue to put yourself and your child through anymore edurance of a deeply unhappy dynamic. And do not delude yourself that dc can't feel it because he doesn’t hear words exchanged. We are sentinel beings as humans we feel things over 80% of communication is non verbal. Your dc feels the unhappiness it’s in the way you move your voice the atmosphere your interactions. It’s in the energy. Plus your relationship will start turning more toxic where there is active dislike of each other- you will not be able to hide this or your unhappiness now and even less so as time goes on. Leave and make the fresh start you all deserve.