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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Looking at other women

24 replies

Kaaldane · 01/06/2024 23:32

I have caught my husband really looking at other women a few times, it makes me feel so unattractive and disrespected. We have argued about it before and he always tells me he wasn’t looking.

However recently we went to a birthday party together he spent the evening staring at this one particular lady all night I felt really uncomfortable and ugly all evening, he even made a comment how thin someone looked 4 weeks after giving birth and why didn’t I look like that. (Currently 5 months postpartum and not back to original weight)

I have since cried to him multiple times about this he has apologised loads and said it wasn’t intended as it came out but he admitted that he was looking at the woman loads as she’s really attractive. I have felt awful ever since this and I’m struggling to get past it…any support/advice welcomed.

OP posts:
TwattyMcFuckFace · 01/06/2024 23:34

This is about him being a creep, not about you being 'unattractive'.

Was he like this before the pregnancy and birth?

Original poster
Kaaldane · 01/06/2024 23:38

I’ve caught him looking at women before but the odd look nothing major whereas this one was constantly during our entire night out and he knows her which makes me feel more uncomfortable

OP posts:
TwattyMcFuckFace · 01/06/2024 23:42

It must've made her feel uncomfortable too.

He really has no respect for women, does he?

Runsyd · 01/06/2024 23:43

I'm sorry, OP, but this would be marriage ending for me. I couldn't live with my partner behaving like that.

MariaLuna · 01/06/2024 23:46

I would feel creeped out if a man was staring at me and would feel terribly sorry for his wife/girlfriend.

Lookingoutside · 01/06/2024 23:48

Leave him. Before one of those women either calls the police or breaks his nose.

Fucking perv.

JenniferBooth · 01/06/2024 23:56

Pervert and entitled too. I also wouldnt be able to get past the baby weight comment

BET you are doing most of the childcare and housework with no time to yourself and hes just expecting it to magically drop off you

TwoHoots74 · 02/06/2024 00:05

Op I could've written this. My "dp" does this all the time too. I even position myself on meals out so I'm looking into the restaurant and he's looking at the wall.

Before I met him I was reasonably confident, I'm told I'm attractive by others but frankly him doing this mages me feel shit. I've spoken to him and he says he doesn't behave like this. I feel like he's keeping his options open.

My self esteem has plummeted and I don't know what to do. Yes I should leave but I just don't want to be on my own but the sensible part of me knows I can't go on feeling like this.

No advice really but your post resonated totally with me tonight after him keep glancing at a waitress

Lookingoutside · 02/06/2024 00:12

TwoHoots74 · 02/06/2024 00:05

Op I could've written this. My "dp" does this all the time too. I even position myself on meals out so I'm looking into the restaurant and he's looking at the wall.

Before I met him I was reasonably confident, I'm told I'm attractive by others but frankly him doing this mages me feel shit. I've spoken to him and he says he doesn't behave like this. I feel like he's keeping his options open.

My self esteem has plummeted and I don't know what to do. Yes I should leave but I just don't want to be on my own but the sensible part of me knows I can't go on feeling like this.

No advice really but your post resonated totally with me tonight after him keep glancing at a waitress

I despair. I absolutely despair.

How the fuck did we get here. Leave these fucking creatures!!!

TwoHoots74 · 02/06/2024 00:25

@Lookingoutside I honestly don't know. If any one I knew came to me and said this I'd say LTB but you get caught in a hole of not wanting to be lonely and zero confidence to meet someone else.

I'm so sorry for hacking the OP but I'm literally just home after a meal out with him and his dad.

I honestly feel like I'm going mad and imagining it or being over sensitive

FiveZoo · 02/06/2024 00:26

Yes it's very predatory behaviour, some men are animals.

It won't get better, maybe they can curb it a bit when with you but it's what they are like when they are apart from you that also matters.

He makes you feel like shit so....

TwoHoots74 · 02/06/2024 00:33

I just don't feel good enough or attractive enough. Sometimes I literally just sit with my head down while he talks at me while we're out as his eyes are everywhere.

I try my best to look good. I really do but I just feel like I am just never enough

Lookingoutside · 02/06/2024 00:37

TwoHoots74 · 02/06/2024 00:25

@Lookingoutside I honestly don't know. If any one I knew came to me and said this I'd say LTB but you get caught in a hole of not wanting to be lonely and zero confidence to meet someone else.

I'm so sorry for hacking the OP but I'm literally just home after a meal out with him and his dad.

I honestly feel like I'm going mad and imagining it or being over sensitive

You’re not being over sensitive and you won’t be lonely. Your life will begin again and you will come back to yourself.

It isn’t the law that you have to meet someone else. There are so many ways to live now! Be free.

FiveZoo · 02/06/2024 00:38

TwoHoots74 · 02/06/2024 00:33

I just don't feel good enough or attractive enough. Sometimes I literally just sit with my head down while he talks at me while we're out as his eyes are everywhere.

I try my best to look good. I really do but I just feel like I am just never enough

Sounds like it's actually painful for you.

Wouldn't it be easier just to stop going anywhere with him and the next step then would be to separate.

You arn't enjoying life with him, he's not making you feel safe, secure and loved and surely being on your own is better than that.

Is he a narcissist ?

Everythingiscalmfornow · 02/06/2024 06:30

Kaaldane · 01/06/2024 23:32

I have caught my husband really looking at other women a few times, it makes me feel so unattractive and disrespected. We have argued about it before and he always tells me he wasn’t looking.

However recently we went to a birthday party together he spent the evening staring at this one particular lady all night I felt really uncomfortable and ugly all evening, he even made a comment how thin someone looked 4 weeks after giving birth and why didn’t I look like that. (Currently 5 months postpartum and not back to original weight)

I have since cried to him multiple times about this he has apologised loads and said it wasn’t intended as it came out but he admitted that he was looking at the woman loads as she’s really attractive. I have felt awful ever since this and I’m struggling to get past it…any support/advice welcomed.

I think your thread has been hijacked OP.

I agree with pp that this is all about who your DH is as a person and his attitude to women. Unfortunately I don't think any amount of talking to him about how it makes you feel will change him. And his attitude and behaviour will continue to chip away at your self esteem.
He should be your loving and supportive partner and he clearly is not being that. I would be seriously considering whether you want to spend your life with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself.

category12 · 02/06/2024 06:56

Honestly stop putting up with this degrading, self-esteem-crushing shit.

No bloke is better than a bloke who makes you feel like crap.

Don't have any more children with him and leave the fucker already.

You're not helping your own mental health by sticking around someone who makes you feel less than.

Runsyd · 02/06/2024 09:27

To every woman who needs to hear this: your partner should only have eyes for you. Just you. No one else at all. Ever.

NB: They're allowed to privately think other people are attractive - we all are - but the minute they openly show it, they're deliberately humiliating you.

Disturbia81 · 02/06/2024 10:33

category12 · 02/06/2024 06:56

Honestly stop putting up with this degrading, self-esteem-crushing shit.

No bloke is better than a bloke who makes you feel like crap.

Don't have any more children with him and leave the fucker already.

You're not helping your own mental health by sticking around someone who makes you feel less than.

This in buckets. Know your worth OP and other poster. Life is too short for this

FiveZoo · 02/06/2024 13:02

Yes op, he enjoys triangulating you, making you jealous.

This type of ego boosting mind fuck is done with intention to destabalize you, it won't end.

They do it with your friends, strangers and even non sexual relationships, they sideline you to make you feel less important, it's all done on purpose to make you feel less than.

See what he does.

chelsea912 · 02/06/2024 16:16

My ex did this and it eroded my self esteem and luckily he is an ex as I said. I put up with it for 3 years. Every date night he would be looking at someone else or chatting up bar staff. It’s a sign of disrespect and they are aware they’re doing it they just don’t care. I mean you either put up or leave sadly and I walked.

RickyGervaislovesdogs · 02/06/2024 16:42

There’s looking and there’s staring. Staring is rude- doesn’t matter what you are looking at!

I’d get up and leave I think. Or get really interested in the nearest man- and I will talk to anyone 😆( just like my DM).

He sounds embarrassing. Have you told him how it makes you feel?

Buttercup198 · 11/11/2024 11:53

Completely disrespectful behavior I had a ex who done this and made no secret of doing so either 🤮

Disturbia81 · 11/11/2024 12:35

TwoHoots74 · 02/06/2024 00:33

I just don't feel good enough or attractive enough. Sometimes I literally just sit with my head down while he talks at me while we're out as his eyes are everywhere.

I try my best to look good. I really do but I just feel like I am just never enough

It's not you. Men like this, sleazy dog on heat men, could be with a film star or runway model and they will still look, perv, cheat. Look at all the famous people who get cheated on. Look at all the 20 year olds who get cheated on.
You are worth more than this disrespect!

Justanormalsunday · 08/06/2025 14:59

I have just posted the same thing, did you end up speaking to your husband about it?

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