How often is reasonable to see grandparents?

[ThatGutsyHedgehog]

We Have a 5 month old baby and since he was born MIL and FIL pushed for lots of visits with us and if we couldn’t manage a visit or had to cancel they would hold it against us.
It came to a head when they phoned up insisting they would be coming round the next day because he’s their grandson. Then proceeded to tell us off for cancelling on them (which we have only done once or twice when DS was unwell)

We explained that DH works full time and we get little time for family time and have lots of other people who want to see DS. Plus housework and it depends on how we are feeling as DS sleep has been poor recently and we’ve been tired! We made an agreement with them we would see them once a fortnight.

We have been doing this for a couple of months but we’re now being told it’s not enough time and we should make more time for them.

How often is reasonable to see a GP?
I feel we’re the ones in the trenches with a small baby and this isn’t really helping!

See them as often as you like not as often as they request.

As other posters have commented much of it comes down to the sort of relationship you previously had with them. My DH and I have never really been close with our parents and only ever see them every few months if that despite them living close by. Things are no different now we have a DS. We are very independent as a family and no way would we allow GP to impose on us.

My DS is 3 and my DH hasn’t seen my parents since before I was pregnant despite them living nearby.

Every family is different. Do what suits you, your DH and DC not what others want you to do.

We see them monthly to every 6 weeks but then stay for longer at Christmas or over the summer. In the holidays the dgc go for a week and we go on holiday for 9 days about once a year.

My parents we see a bit less as although we see them monthly or bimonthly we don't stay for longer periods and I holiday with them for 3-4 days annually. The dc visit for a few days in some holidays.

We talk to them both weekly to fortnightly.

Op this really isn't a question to put here. There will be too much info. There's no right or wrong. You do what's right for you. Personally it seems as if you were just living your lives and seeing them when you wanted to which is absolutely fine but due to their complaints you set it in stone every two weeks. Leave it at that if that arrangement is what you want. Don't be pushed into doing what others want. I don't care about this it's my grandchild rubbish. They need to grow up. You'll find over the years what with bdays and mothers days and holidays you will see them more naturally anyway so be firm.

Sounds like you have a very supportive and sensible DH who has their measure. No one gets to dictate to you about alone time with your baby- and the bf comment is 🤮 and would make me very uncomfortable. Don't pander to them OP and their bullying. You do you and offer whatever suits you and your DH.

Whem my kids were small i ised to see my parents every day. Now i live further away i see them once every couple of months

I think whatever you feel comfortable is, is the right amount. You do not owe your in laws or your mother a set amount of time with you and your child. I felt sad when I read about your weekly visits to your mum, I think there is work for you to do there in terms of your boundaries - you describe her as narc and that you dread it yet you see her so frequently. Since my DD came along I have become so much more aware of my relationship with my parents and developed much clearer boundaries. I think with both sets of parents you need some clear boundaries in place and given your experience with your mum I would suggest that some counselling maybe be helpful to work through that.

Don’t give in to tantrums. Your baby is not a doll for them to play with. I’ll never understand why so many grandparents have a fixation on taking a baby away from its parents for no reason except to pretend it’s their baby. They also don’t have any rights to insist on some kind of formal custody arrangement. DH really does need to be more firm with them.

We see our DGS as and when. There is no fixed visiting period.

When my dad was alive I used to visit with my daughter every fortnight and my sister and her family would at the same time. It suited everyone - especially my dad who was quite clear on when he was happy to have visitors or not lol.

I'm in a bit of a dilemma at the moment with my daughter's other grandparents. You may see from another thread of mine about her biological father lying.

Since his death in June last year we have visited his parents but the visits are excruciating. They never ask me any questions whatsoever and I'm running out of things to ask them. There are very obvious awkward silences.

One on occasion the grandfather wasn't speaking at all and I had to resort to asking him about golf and whether he thought women could play against men. Grandmother is a bit more chatty but I'll be honest, I'd rather not see either of them again - largely because neither of them were the slightest bit interested in trying to see my daughter as she was growing up.

My DD hasn't expressed any burning need to see them but would be happy to, as long as it didn't mean going to their house, which is where her father died. It's a 40 minute drive to see them and I know they wouldn't drive over to us.

It's always been my firmly-held view that it's up to the grandchildren to visit their grandparents but in this case, given the history, quite simply I cannot be arsed and frankly would dread the thought of seeing them again.

Sorry for hi-jacking the thread!!