I’m at my wits end with being married to a really grumpy man.
within seconds (I timed it yesterday, was 11 seconds) of him coming through the door after work he finds something to moan about. Yesterday it was some dirty washing (tea towels) that I had piled up after sorting my washing, waiting for the cycle on washing machine to finish current load then I was going to take out clean washing, put in tumble dryer then put the dirty greasy tea towels in on their own. But he started on me about this. I said do you always have to moan as soon as you get home? He told me to F off then stormed upstairs and went to bed in spare room, ignoring the lovely tea I had spent ages cooking for him. Every single night when he walks in my tummy is in knots checking nothing is out of place, for example no washing up in sink, make sure the sink doesn’t have a speck of dirty washing up water in it or a coffee splash. I sweep the floor but he still grabs the sweeper and starts to sweep imaginary dirt into it so I’ve stopped sweeping if that’s what he does as soon as he gets in anyway!
he moans about absolutely everything. Everything. We have recently had a new kitchen installed but myself and two children are so nervous when we cook incase we spill anything, god forbid grease were to get splashed up the wall! We are told where we can put our saucepans down incase we make a mark on the worktops etc but this isn’t normal cooking in a functioning family kitchen! He does not cook a thing; not even toast so he hasn’t a clue the mess that cooking can make (granted, I am messy but tidy as I go along) he moans if there’s a speck of dirt in the bath that hasn’t been cleaned out etc. and today he noticed that the slow cooker has splashed gravy (slow cooker does spit when boiling) onto the worktop and blew his top saying he wants a divorce! My son has had enough of his terminal bad moods and is looking to move in with his girlfriend. I actually think he hates his dad. The only time he’s happy is when he has had a drink, which is every night and then he’s as nice as pie, like a completely different person. I went out today after his vile mood outburst but on my return I could see he had had his 4 beers and was as happy as Larry!! I think it’s so sad (sad, pathetic) that he needs a drink to be nice and approachable. You can’t ask a simple question without being made to look an idiot for the questions you ask. He will make fun of some of the questions I ask him, often to do with stuff in the house. He tries to make me look stupid but I say I’m asking because I don’t know! Can you help me please. I’m far from thick, but don’t know a thing about DIY. I’m just wondering is this narcissistic behaviour? He’s constantly glued to his phone following all the latest conspiracy theories which he fully believes whereas I’m more of a “I will believe it when I see it” kind of person to which he loses his temper. I can’t put into words how he blows up but it’s the bright red face, veins bulging in his head and neck type anger if I challenge him on the latest conspiracy theory he’s read and believes. An example is that Donald Trump is gonna save the world! He’s right into all this Q conspiracy which may or may not be true. However, I would rather he concentrate on our family and not what Donald Trump is up to ffs! I’m just feeling very confused. I have thought in the past he has ADHD or bipolar and needs the alcohol to dumb him down and to be nice and approachable. I think it speaks volumes when me and my two children all feel the same. Sorry for such a long post but had to give as full a picture as I can. I can’t leave as I have nowhere to go. Rent in this area is eye watering expensive and could never afford anywhere just on my wage. I just need to be able to somehow create a life for myself while living here with him. I look at it a lot like I house share with someone who is an absolute nightmare to live with, like a uni housemate and just have to make the best of this situation. He’s always had a temper but now he’s just downright miserable and grumpy. I don’t even think he loves me. I’ve gained so much weight since menopause which will not shift, he often tells me how fat I am too but he’s no bloody oil painting himself! Thanks for listening.