Division of household bills

[Whereisthemoney]

Hi so me and DP have separate bank accounts and a joint one from which household bills are paid. I stopped paying half into it with my two pregnancies as I didn't have the money to do so I would pay in my maternity pay and use credit cards for food and holidays etc, basically anything the joint account wouldn't cover. Needless to say I racked up some debt. But my partner has savings.

Now i am able to pay half again into the joint account. The past couple of months I've noticed we are going over what we are paying in so I've made it up so we don't go overdrawn. I added up and told him I have paid an extra £600 for stuff last month, including food.

My DP hasn't increased what he is paying in for 5 years so I have asked him to up this by a couple of hundred (and I would also follow suit). He has refused saying he is not willing to pay that much of his wages into the joint account. Says I need to get the food bill down from £100 a week to £80 (I think I am going to struggle to do this for a family of 5). He said to buy less snacks for the kids. Also to cancel their swimming lessons and do less washing.

I believe everything relating to the house (bills and food) and the kids (clubs, days out, clothes, school meals etc etc) should come out of this account so it is fair. We are supposed to be a family and both made the children so should pay for them equally. Personal stuff for ourselves should be paid for by ourselves.

Sooo with the start of the month what do I do:
A) keep paying in the same as DP and let us go overdrawn
B) pay in the amount I suggested we increase to but we'll still go over 😔
C) LTB 🤣😂😭

Pay in.amount agreed snd get him to.do the shopping. 80 quid aweek- unrealistic. Unnecessary if u both working. With the CoL tgere is no way u can pay in the same amount each month. When u were on maternity pay he should have made up the shortfall

Am I reading this right that during your mat leave you used credit cards, and you've paid those back out of your money since going back to work, rather than your OH increasing their contribution to the bills? But he has managed to still have savings? Or did you jointly use those savings to cover the credit card bill?

I feel like if you were funding your joint life using credit cards whilst he was still putting stuff into personal savings then my vote would be C.

I’d be cancelling him rather than the kid’s swimming lessons, that is an
important life skill.

The rot really started here when you were using your maternity pay to fund food and holidays. He should have made up the shortfall .

I’d be choosing option c re him for that alone frankly. I guess the whole idea of one joint account is total anathema to him. He in doing this does not regard you and he as a team or family unit.

C. Seriously

When you're on mat leave, he should have covered 100% of the bills, and left mat pay for food.

Col means everything went up, paying the same as 5 years ago and refusing to increase his pymts is just plain brain dead.

Let him shop for 5 on £80 a week! I feel I've been successful if I've done it for £120!

He’s a tight fucker

So while you were on maternity leave carrying and giving birth to his child, he didn’t step up xx support you but let you get in to debt while he amassed savings? And rather than put in a bit more now COL has increased he’s expecting your kids to make sacrifices rather than him? Fuck that I’m a C

Christ almighty leave this pond scum!!

C

How much do you both earn?

You should pay in proportionally and have the same spending money at the end of the month.

He sounds like a financially abusive dickhead. Bet there's other stuff going on too. How much childcare and housework does he do?

We earn roughly the same. But yes you are right about other stuff. If I got paid for all the childcare I do I would be earning alot more than him! The house is also suffering ATM as I have no motivation to clean and tidy after working every hour I'm not looking after the kids.

I fail to see the reasons for staying with him ATM.

Yes I used credit cards and not quite paid them back but I'm getting there. Yes he has his own personal savings, I'm not sure how much but less than what I had on credit cards.

I know I don't know what to cut from the shopping 😭. His alcohol to start off with. Maybe need to start cooking from scratch more but sometimes I barely have the energy to not cook from scratch.

You got it with your last sentence. We are not a team in any way.

I couldn't believe the conversation to be honest. And where does he think the shortfall of money will come from?

Yep, in that case LTB is the best advice.

Perhaps he should take over the grocery shopping and prove he can feed you all on that budget.

Crazy that he hasn't stepped up financially when your income dropped because of having children together. Did he not want to be a father?

Yes that's basically it. Still has enough money to go to the pub once or twice a week though.

😂🤣 that would be too much effort.

He did want to be but I don't think he particularly enjoys it now.

What is the rest of your relationship set up like? Who owns the house. Is it rented? Whose name is everything in?

We both own the house. Some of the bills are in my name only as when we moved in I set it all up (they needed to speak to him to confirm adding him and this never happened).

So, he's in the pub through the week and theres booze going on the grocery shop?...I know what I' be cutting out and it ain't the kids treats...he sounds like a selfish buggar that you would be well rid of!