My first LTR was with a man I met at University. We had so many 'firsts' together and kind of built our adult lives together. We bought our first house, furnished it from scratch, built our careers, our little family... we started with nothing financially, and so when money and financial stability came along, we pooled everything. I have very fond memories of our years together, weekends spent DIYing our doer-upper, little holidays together, our lives revolving around our animals and our responsibilities. We were best friends and a really tight team. In hindsight, we were perhaps too close.
That relationship ended in my late thirties.
Now I'm in my forties and in a new LTR. My DP is lovely and kind. But. We came together in later life and neither of us is starting from scratch. We have completely separate finances. My house and car are my house and car for example, his are his. (We live in my hous. We go halves on a new fridge freezer and he'll wait in for a tradesman, but if a garden fence blows down or the house needs new double glazing that's my problem and my expense).
We already have separate social networks and hobbies. We only socialise together if it's just us two or sometimes with family. He's studying for a PhD, and I believe that should be prioritised, but it's really put me and our relationship on the backburner. I spend most of the weekend and my evenings alone whilst he's in the lab. We have sometimes holidayed separately this last year due to different commitments.
Ultimately, I feel like we live parallel lives. No shared dreams or goals. Almost housemates. I really miss being one half of a couple.
So, I'm wondering if anyone has any insights to offer or, even better, does anyone feel similar?