Can't stop thinking about being with a woman

[HolidayShop]

I'm early 40's and in a relationship of around 8 months. Previously was happily single for few years after bad long term relationship.

I have always had an attraction to women, had a few drunken kisses in 20s but kind of not allowed myself to think further. Now i am finding stronger and stronger desire to be with a woman. I love my partner and want to stay with him but literally cannot stop thinking about it.

Anyone else been through this? Not sure what to do

I think you need to take some time to have a think about whether you are happy with this just to remain a fantasy currently or, if you want to actually experience it in real life. I have had fantasies about women before but I know that I have no desire to act on it in real life and if the opportunity presented itself to me I wouldn't go for it. Hence, for me, it's just thoughts.

Personally, I dont think it would be dominating your thoughts to this extent if it was just a sexy thought for you. If it's literally interrupting/affecting your current relationship then that needs some further examination on your part.

The fact its getting stronger indicates to me that its something you want that is becoming harder and harder to ignore.

Ultimately, you will have to make a choice and that wont be easy, but then, neither is being in a relationship when you truly desire someone else.

I think you are spot on there, previously it was just kind of like a fantasy which I ignored, it no longer is just that for me. If I did have the opportunity I would definitely go for it. I think about it more and more and it gets a bit much sometimes

If I did have the opportunity I would definitely go for it. I think about it more and more and it gets a bit much sometimes

There you go then. The danger here is that if you keep repressing it and then you meet a woman you really like you'll be tempted to cheat and it will then be overwhelming. I think you need to really think about this and what you actually want. I do feel for you- its a difficult situation, but life is too short to settle.

Your partner deserves more than to be with someone who is constantly fantasising about someone who isn’t him – if not a specific someone then most definitely something with which he can never provide you.

Do right by him and let him find someone who desires him fully.

Could you negotiate a break with your partner to explore this? 40 is a powerful age for making us reflect on aspects of life we may have missed out on

Talk to him about it.

A ( probably not that ) surprising amount of men would be fine with their partner having a one off with another woman. Even more so if they got to hear all the details afterwards.

That may not be the case with your partner, he may well want to end the relationship if you tell him you want to sleep with someone else.

But if the alternative is you ending up cheating on him at some point, then better for both of you to have the conversation now.

He knows I have previously found women attractive, but doesn't know of my current feelings. I'm scared to share it with him as I don't want to lose him.