AIBU - DH being a grumpy so so while quitting smoking....again

[EmsL]

DH has quit smoking, which he does by going cold turkey - hats off as that can't be nice. But after a few days of his mood I'm completely fed up with it - partly as this is a cycle repeated not infrequently. He was a regular smoker from his teens until about 5 years ago, at which point he quit solidly for about three years which was brilliant. The main impetus for quitting was health issues including really horrible reflux that made him feel terrible and which quitting the smoking did fix. But in the last couple of years he's been feeling much better in himself, and so on a few occasions he's been tempted to take up the smoking again, until he feels shit again, at which point he quits, and then he feels better again and then he's on holiday and fancies a smoke or we have a row (most recent time's trigger), or whatever the thing is, and he takes it up again. Each occasion involves an incredibly annoying period of waiting for the 'right' time to stop (can't be now as just bought a new pack/have an important event/got too much on at work), then the right time conveniently doesn't come but is then forced upon him because he starts to get his horrible symptoms again. Not feeling well causes him to be moody, and then the actual quitting obviously entails several days and more of even worse moods. I am frankly so bored of this total performance every single time! Also along with the reflux he's had various unpleasant stomach and other health issues, but has done all sorts of things in other ways to really help his health, by getting much fitter and stronger and got really active. But when he suffers with poor health physically he gets really anxious about it, and several times he's had bouts of being so worried to the extent of being absolutely convinced he must have cancer or something awful, repeated visits to doctors, constant googling etc. So I don't understand why he's willingly putting himself through this over this over. I know the moods are just part of the detox and me being angry about it isn't going to help at the time, but I do feel the need to show how I feel about it somehow as well. Not sure what advice am hoping to get - partly just wanted to vent!

He’s an addict, it’s what they do.

As a smoker I can empathise with you both. I've given up a few times myself and it is very difficult. It's also not fair on you to have to deal with his moods when he's experiencing nicotine withdrawal, and it must make it harder knowing that he has a pattern of stopping and starting again.

Maybe he needs to recognise that going cold turkey doesn't work for him. Has he considered trying any nicotine substitutes, such as patches, gum, or inhalators? This would help him to wean himself off of nicotine, which would help with the grumpiness, but hopefully wouldn't trigger the same health issues that smoking does, such as the reflux.

Thanks - no, he hasn't tried any of those methods you mention, I'm not really sure why not. The only thing he did differently the first time around was use one of those prescription drugs (champix maybe?) and I think he found that really awful, the side effects were really quite bad and frankly quite weird. Although it was obviously very effective. I think given the weirdness of the side effects it must literally re-write some of the neural pathways involved or something. Anyway ever since then he seems to have decided that cold turkey is the best way but I am glad to hear from a smoker that maybe it isn't and also that it isn't entirely fair to expect the partner to suck up the moods. I'll suggest other methods next time if there is one but in the meantime thankfully the worst seems to have passed!

I highly recommend Allen Carrs give up smoking the easy way .. it removes the idea that you need willpower to give up smoking and instead talks through why you smoke .. I stupidly started smoking again three years ago but after a heart diagnosis realised I had to give up as smoking was literally killing me .. this book has been a godsend and by the time I finished reading it was repulsed at the idea of smoking ..

Oh thanks great tip will check that out!

I know not everyone likes vapes but I found they really helped me to quit smoking. I've never been able to go cold turkey before. First time I quit for 8 years using patches. It was hell and I really hated the symptoms but eventually did it. Then I lost my mum and started smoking again for a few years but that time I used a vape not as a replacement but as a tool to break the habit. I didn't even realise I hadn't smoked for a fortnight the first time I tried vaping. I gradually changed over to nicotine free juices then eventually stopped altogether. I found the vape really helpful because it removed the urge to smoke cigarettes almost immediately then by using the really strong flavours like coffee and tobacco I found I didn't need nicotine in them either, which made it easier to stop vaping altogether because I was no longer addicted. Used as a tool I think they have revolutionised quitting but far too many people use them just as a replacement and just vape instead as an alternative to cigarettes.

Well of course because no addict ever stops using a substance and just lives a normal life eh...