I’m too ashamed to speak to friends in real life about this as I have let a man walk all over me and I feel embarrassed.
I briefly started a ‘FWB’ type arrangement with a guy I had been on a couple of dates with and it initially started well and I was happy with it. He would message every day and we would arrange a couple of evenings in the week where he would come to mine (he wouldn’t let me go to his which was a red flag in hindsight), we would watch a film, sometimes have dinner, chat, have sex and then he’d stay for a bit afterwards and then leave. It felt mutually respectful at this point.
However, he suddenly started becoming very hot and cold and borderline rude when he was messaging me. One minute he would say he liked me and didn’t just want me for sex and would be messaging all day, the next he was making it very clear he wasn’t particularly interested in me, would go quiet or would make sarcastic comments about things I had previously said that he seemed to find funny. If he got the sense I was backing off he would ramp up
his efforts again and be overly nice. Occasionally he would hint at taking me out on a proper date but this never materialised. If I didn’t message him first sometimes he would sulk and accuse me of ghosting him, and he said I was hard work and he refused to chase me. It just felt like a head fuck but I overlooked all of this as it was a casual thing and I didn’t feel he owed me anything.
On the occasions we did sleep together it seemed very clinical: he didn’t pay any compliments, didn’t say if he enjoyed the sex, would pretty much do the deed and get dressed to leave. He even started making it clear he was taking the used condom home with him rather than put it in the bin which just seemed like overkill and unnecessary. He was never like this in the beginning, he actually was quite caring and sensitive in bed.
It then got to the point i wouldn’t hear from him for days and he’d text in the evening asking if he could come round. I shut this down and told him I needed more notice. To add insult to injury I think he’d actually been on a date one evening and he tried to come to mine on his way home which just cemented what he really thought of me.
The last time I saw him he came to mine after he’d been drinking all day. He actually drove to my house over the limit and I told him he needed to leave his car here and get a cab home but he refused and he drove home anyway. The drink driving, and the fact he made me feel like an unpaid prostitute, led me to block him as soon as he left. Was that the right way to end things? It was a bit knee jerk but I’d had enough.
I guess I’m looking for a bit of support as I feel like such a fool. I let things go on far too long and feel like I’ve lost all self respect.