AIBU to feel so upset & for my perspective on this?

[OramIjustnuts]

Will try to keep this as short as possible. Basically my DPs split up when I was very young. Since then DF has always been in a relationship, one after another. I’ve spent virtually my entire childhood and teen hood getting attached to various stepmums. DF’s long term relationship has very recently come to an end and lo and behold he has plans to move in with someone else. There’s more but that’s the long and short of it. DF is aware of my upset as another family member told him, but this hasn’t been acknowledged by him, I think he thinks I’m in the wrong but I really don’t want to get to know yet another person right now, especially not so soon after his last relationship ended & I think it’s too soon. He brought it up over text but when I replied to broach how I felt, there was no reply. When I saw him recently at a family member’s house, this new person was all he could talk about, was on the phone to her for hours overnight (despite that I only see him 3-4 times a year so it would have been nice to spend time with him). He said it was nice that he came to said family member’s house because it means he got to talk to new person on the phone. I really thought he was going to say it was nice because he got to see me and DH. Can’t put my finger on why I’m so hurt. Maybe I feel like I’ve never been a priority. Am I just nuts? Has anyone else gone though this?

I don’t think YABU
your father sounds like a serial monogamist - can’t be without a relationship and prioritised these relationships over you from a young age
it’s selfish

What a selfish self absorbed shithead he is. How old is this Peter Pan. You have every right to feel aggrieved . But he doesn't care as he only seems to think of himself, no room for any concern for others. This new woman will probably go the same way as all the others and I would not hesitate to tell him so.

BTW your mother seems to have a lucky escape.

You have a right to feel that way but he is an adult and has the right to do what he wants, which clearly he does without any thought for anyone else.

Thanks for your responses so far, I just need to get out of my head as I feel too close to the situation and wanted an outside perspective. I feel like I can’t say any of the things mentioned by PPs above though as he did give me and DH a substantial sum when we got married which we were incredibly grateful for. Please note I’ve never lived with DF.

Money is little compensation for an emotional void.

So, what is missing is more about the relationship while growing up - you never lived with him. So he has a daughter but am guessing has always been more distant than many parent relationships.

The reasons for that could be varied and so influence why things as they are. But, why should he not move from relationship to relationship now his kids are adults if thats what he wants?

Granted, he sounds a bit focused on his own life than others but what do you expect him to do, not have relationships, not talk about them?

Some people are just more distant for whatever reason - I just don't understand posts on here when the dad doesn't have much to do with kids, or even in real life. For me having my kids half the time is brilliant and while they are now teens so prefer to ignore me, I will be gutted when they fly the nest. I try to prioritise my time when I have them (but will still do my own thing too) - and for me if he only sees yo a few times a year is what he should have done.

What is stopping you meeting up more? Are you proactive in this and he says no?

Not sure on your relationship and the basis of how you generally see him but i feel if I was you I would just disengage from any of these women from now on and would just try to see your father on his own and make that clear to him.

Why do you need to get to know them?

My Dad is much the same as yours, a succession of women one after another (and sometimes overlapping) for the last 20 years. I've always been clear with him that I've got no interest in getting to know them, because I know he'll ditch them at some point.

He's been in his current relationship for 4 years, and I've started to get to know her as this one looks like it might stick. It helps that she's known him as a friend for many years so knows exactly what she's gotten into.