I’ve been having problems with my significant other for pretty much our entire relationship. When we met I was about to go to nursing school, he was a successful blue collar worker, and we were both hitting our stride. Then, I got pregnant the first time we had sex (despite multiple forms of birth control), COVID hit, and we got pregnant again.
After seeking therapy for myself I’ve come to multiple conclusions; I may be autistic, I am very triggered by his emotional unavailability, and I’ve completely fucked myself by putting my career on the back burner to be a stay at home mom.
I constantly try to better our relationship by doing x y or z, and he doesn’t seem to notice or care. It feels like he is completely emotionally unavailable to me, and does strange things that seem like he’s acting out like a teen.
Tonight our eldest saw that he was in town (on her iPad) but he was supposed to be in class after work over 40 miles away. Naturally I called. No answer. Ok. He calls back and I ask him where he is, he hesitates and says “coming home, do you need me to get anything at the store?” He sounds drunk. I say “Our eldest saw that you’re downtown?” And he doesn’t respond. I say, “Are you?” And he said that he was at the bar. So I ask with who, as his friend just lost his granddad and is taking it hard. He said “alone”.
We get into an argument because unfortunately this has happened before. Twice before he has left work early to go to the bar, and refuses to see my side of things; that all I would like is to know that he’s planning on being somewhere he’s “supposed” to be. The first two times we only had one car and I was picking him up from work, except would get a last minute phone call saying he wasn’t there, he was at the bar….
Each time he refuses to acknowledge that I would like to be in the loop about these things, and insists he’s a “grown man” who can “do what he wants”.
After years of being unfulfilled and unappealing I am making steps to become financially independent from him. His worst fear is that I will leave and our home will be broken, but damn it if I’m the only one trying to keep it together how can we ever make it work!!?
So heartbroken. It’s just one thing after another lately. A few weeks ago he refused to take work off so I could get dental surgery. Why am I so hell bent on staying with a man that doesn’t even value me?