Book for toxic parents?

[Garlicnaan]

My DP has quite a toxic parent who makes everything about them, falls out with people frequently and often permanently, chases drama, hugely judgemental, belittles my DP, is highly passive aggressive, is very much into status and how they are perceived, loves to martyr themselves, and and can "do no wrong" / always right. The other parent enables, as does DP's sibling to an extent. No one dare challenge the toxic parent as the fall out is huge.

DP dared to set a boundary recently and all hell has broken loose.

I remember reading about a book recommendation about toxic parents I think (he's definitely had the FOG over the years) - can anyone remember what it is or make a recommendation of their own please?

Also does this sound like narcissism? The toxic parent will quite often put themselves down dramatically so I'm not sure if that fits.

I think it's Susan Forward's book that you're after

ta da 😄

Thanks, did you find it helpful? Is it for people still in touch with parents or for those who have cut them off?

My therapist recommended this book. I did read some of it and found it really enlightening. I'm not really a self-help book sort of person.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Book-Wish-Your-Parents-Children/dp/0241250994

That said, I wouldn't be wasting my time reading a book about how badly someone else is treating me. He needs support for himself, not for understanding them. I cannot recommend a good therapist enough. I know that's a lot more expensive than a book though.

That said, truly no book is going to give anyone peace and happiness if someone is treating you badly. My family is quite messed up and I have been NC with them for about 2 years (LC before that for many years). Honestly, as horrible as it is to have had to get to that point and to not have the family I wish I had, I can't tell you the positive difference it's made in my life. I no longer walk on pins and needles. I no longer jump if someone rings at the door with a delivery for me (because they used to send crazy stuff in the post). It no longer sucks up all my emotional energy and leaves me in the loo crying when I should have a lovely day with my kids. It's like a weight has been lifted off my life.

I haven’t read it yet as don’t have the energy to open that can of worms at the moment but have it ready to go 😄

Either. It's a great book, I read it years and years ago and people still recommend it. Defo worth him reading it whatever the kind of toxicity and situation. Easy to read too (far as I remember).

Pete Walker’s From Surviving to the Thriving. Gets to the core issues that such parents leave you with the main one being that your inbuilt self protection system hasn’t developed.

Thanks.

What about the Lindsey Gibson books - about emotionally immature parents? Anyone read any of those?

Having read a synopsis of toxic parents I'm not sure this will resonate as much as the behaviour displayed is subtle but insidious.

Thanks but the PTSD label will I think put DP off. He won't identify with that.

I recommend this, really helped me

Children of the Aging Self-Absorbed: A Guide to Coping with Difficult, Narcissistic Parents and Grandparents a.co/d/eJpDysg