Is this enough to leave

[coconutroyal]

ive been with my partner 12 years - we have Children and from the outside a perfect life - nice house - car etc - however I’m so unhappy - he drinks far too much - spends so much money gambling/ drinking and hates holidays/ trips anything that is fun - even days out cause a massive row and he refuses to go - do I leave for this reason? he just wants to work and be with friends

Yes. Leave for any reason but also they are reasons I'd leave

You don’t need any reason to leave. You need to check out if there is debts against the house or in your name pronto if he’s a gambler as that may affect your finances. FWIW I’d leave from your post.

You can leave for any reason/s you choose and what you write re him is more than good enough reason to leave.

What do you want to teach your children about relationships and what are they learning here from you both currently?. Neither they or you warrant a drunkard gambler and miserable fun sponge to boot.

What is the situation re property and finances?.

The only reason anyone ever needs to have in order to leave is that they want to leave. And it sounds like you do. You don't have to justify your decision to us, to him, or anyone else. If you want to leave for those reasons (I know I would) then yes, they're enough reason to leave.

To make it worse we are meant to be going on holiday tomorrow / he agreed to book a holiday last year and begrudgingly picked the hotel etc - it’s been hell ever since / being screamed at to cancel - telling the children they may die in a plane crash but mum just wants sun! I was going to replace him with my sister but he said he will come - now it’s too late he said he’s not coming! Me and 3 children under 6 in a foreign country will be hard work but I won’t let them down!

We own a house with quite a bit of equity so I would be ok - it’s just the children that I am so worried about - they have kept me here - I don’t want to hurt them

He doesn't want to be with his family and acts out to be nasty. They are learning what relationships look like from their parents behaviour, so its not leaving this behind that will hurt them.

Just leave

Tell him you want him gone by the time you get back from holiday. Go make amazing memories with your kids.

If you can take three children under six to another country for a holiday, you can definitely cope with splitting and being a lone parent.
The worst damage you can do is to bad mouth him to the kids , and if he ever gets a sensible moment try and get him to agree not to bad mouth you.
Everything else is one step at a time until you are free of him.

Have a great holiday - hire a babysitter in the hotel to help you!
Kids will be OK if you divorce. But before you pull the plug - make a plan.
Figure out what finances would look like. Figure out what you'll be doing - housing, your job, etc.

Plan and then pull the plug.

Any chance your sister can just grab a flight out to you ? If she can, then that's what to do (but make sure he doesn't know about it until you get home again).

This is not a safe marriage, and he is actually damaging your kids by saying things like they'll die in a plane crash ffs !

You need to get yourself and your poor kids away from him asap.

telling the children they may die in a plane crash but mum just wants sun!

Wtf that's deranged! Hard as it may be with 3 little ones, I'm sure you'd have a much better and more relaxing holiday without him there.

Your reasons for wanting to end the relationship are completely valid and reasonable. It sounds like your partner has a habit of creating a horrible atmosphere and that's so damaging for children to grow up in.

You don’t have to justify yourself- there’s not a points system for being allowed to leave a relationship. I’d suggest talking a good therapist and a good lawyer.

Does your husband acknowledge his addictions? The drinking and gambling sound like they’re possibly compulsive, which makes things harder, and can distort behaviours and personality on many levels. So if he can get support, (GA, doctor, GamCare, other organisations) then that could help the whole situation, whatever the outcome. Some are more willing to admit a problem and access support than others…

But you can’t make that decision for him. You can just decide how you respond.

Absolutely sounds like reason to leave! That's a horrible atmosphere to live in.
You'll have a much better time without him on holiday, even if it is hard work.

Thank you all for responding - I think my mind is made up - we’re off after holiday - I need to get my big girl pants on and realise we can do it alone x

Absolutely all good reasons to leave. Even just one of those would be eg just the drinking or the being cruel and mean.

have a brilliant holiday and well done for deciding to make an excellent decision for you and the children

He's worthless.

Wishing you strength and luck (sure you’ll make your own 💪)