How to end it

[Icantthinkofagoodname24]

I posted on here a while ago about my marriage and your replies helped me realised I don't want to stay with him. His behaviour to me has been unforgivable and after years of trying to make it work I have completely checked out. We've tried marriage counselling (twice) but I don't have any feelings towards him anymore.
The problem is, now it's too late, he's trying hard to change. It's all too little too late for me, but it's making it so hard for me to leave. I just can't seem to start the conversation to tell him it's over.
I know it will devastate him, but equally I know I can't stay with someone who has treated me this way. I just can't find the courage to end it. I know once I say it, my life will completely change, everything will be difficult and it all becomes real. Any advice please?

When I was in a similar position, I waited until a time when I knew I was ready. I arranged for someone close to me to have DD. She was aware that this was the plan and agreed to have DD but said ‘On the proviso that you actually do it’. I phrased it as ‘We have both tried but this isn’t working and I think we should separate’. No accusations, just the hard truth that we were miserable and it wasn’t working.
I'm not saying it was easy, I thought I might actually throw up. But it was the right decision and 2 years down the line, I don’t regret it.
Are your ducks in a row?

I feel the same way but I feel like it’s all going to be on me so I think that’s what’s stopping me. I don’t feel like my DH is even trying though! even if he did, I’ve gone past it. I’ve spoken to my best friend and she can’t understand why I won’t just tell him.

Redrobbbin I don’t know about you but I found it terrifying! I’d been with XH for a long time (15 years +) since my early 20s and I didn’t know how to ‘adult’ without him! Also I had a sort of ‘learned dependence’ on him. He’d spent years telling me I couldn’t do things and I believed him. I remember preparing to go to a friend’s wedding, travelling to a city on the train. I was terrified I couldn’t do it. Then I remembered I travelled all over (including Europe!) on my own. I went to the wedding, had a great time, shared a hotel room with my friend. I’ve become much more independent, learned many DIY skills! It’s been a process to reach this point though.

@WormHasTurned I'm glad to hear you don't regret it. We've been together all my adult life. He's a bit older than me and although I am quite financially dependent on him, I have a job and I know I can afford to live by myself in a smaller house. I got the kids out the house one night, built up to it and tried to tell him, but he talked me out of it and I lost my nerve.

Honestly, there’s something everyday that makes me think ‘I’m so relieved I’m not married to him any more’. I had a nightmare that he created an argument before I went out (happened a lot) and I genuinely woke up and thought that in the middle of the night.
I actually agreed to a ‘trial separation’ with XH even though I knew it wouldn’t work. Didn’t last long, he found someone new within a couple of weeks 🤷🏻‍♀️ but yes, every single day I’m still glad we split. It’s right financially but it motivated me to get a promotion and better hours.