I think we may need marriage councilling? Any have any experience?

[josben]

Dh is constantly on a short fuse - he regularly snaps at me and seems permanently angry... I'm 'almost' used to it but do get embarrassed when it happen's infront of friends or family.

But I'm pretty much p*ed off with him most of the time too - just for general stuff like him not helping me enough around the house and with the DC's, or putting his football first. He doesn't like his job but isn't motivated enough to actively look for something else.

We don't have much of a sex life at the moment - my choice, i just don't want it... But DH does gets frustrated and has blamed his short temperedness on our lack of sex life.

We have 3 DC's 7, 5 and 1 and I am also working part time, and so don't have much time to keep our home that tidy and get on top of stuff.

We also have quite a bit of Credit card debt although we are going to remortgage to clear this and will def cut up cc cards)

And my dad died suddenly at christmas, which has been pretty horrendous as i have a very clse family and my DH was incredibly close to my dad - they were almost like father and son.... anyone got any advice?

we went to relate when going through a really bad time - I had decided it was all over and meant it.
The counselling really helped both of us - even dh who thought it was all a load of shit before we went.I forced him to go!

We still have bad times but we were taught how to communicate without the blame / resentment cycle which has made all the difference.
Overall it saved our relationship.
Hope things work out for you.

me and DP have been going to Relate for a few weeks. He has a horrendous temper and has been really nasty and unreasonable for some months. We have a 17mo old and I am 4 months pregnant too. I actually chucked him out 3 weeks ago and it has helped calm everything down.

Relate is good, although we did seem to have to hit rock bottom before we could get anywhere. Last week the counsellor made us talk face to face to get us communicating . I did have a battle making him go but am guessing that he must care about us as he agreed in the end. DP is rather a Grant Mitchell type, drinks lager, plays darts etc, not at all touch feely. It may take time and effort but it could well help you. I doubt it will make things worse. Although you don't always feel fab after each session, DP has roared off in the car once or twice after he has dropped me home

Hope you work out a way to get through it ((hugs))

I know that old chestnut - they're mean, you don't want to have sex with a mean person (don't blame you!), so they're meaner. It's a very bad cycle to get into.
You shouldn't have to get 'used' to living with a bad-tempered person, though. It's not fair on you or the kids to be walking on eggshells. Counselling would be well worth the consideration, even if you can't make him go, go on your own. The cycle needs to change, and it only takes one of you to change it. Wishing you all the best, and a happier time ahead. I've been where you are. Get some help, before it gets worse x

Thanks for your posts, i will def try and look into councilling - even if I went on my own at first it would hopefully help....

It kind of helps just to write it all down in a way, and i know what you mean 'littlewoman' about the 'bad cycle' of them being mean and then not wanting sex and then it all just making things worse!

I think we need to start being more in sync with each other - maybe trying to spend more quality time together, cooking a meal for each other when the Dc's are in bed etc...

Basically the situation needs to get sorted - thanks for listening...