Argument with boyfriend

[DAISYBELLAxx]

Hello.

My boyfriend and I are planning to buy a house together (we are currently living in his flat).

We have been in communication with a mortgage advisor who requires all sorts of information. I am a teacher, so am on half term at the moment with lots of time to spare. My boyfriend works very hard.

The mortgage advisor is calling me today, and my boyfriend gave me some information about his mortgage on Tuesday, which I noted down. They needed to know his early redemption fee, which he said he didn,'t know exactly.

Yesterday, I worked out all of my figures ready for the call, but still had the mortgage redemtion one missing. I knew there was a letter on the kitchen side which has been there for months, and managed to find the figure on that.

When my boyfriend found out yesterday night that I read the letter to get the figure, he completely flipped. He said it was disrespectful that I read his letter, which I completely understand and feel sad about. He said it was none of my business to look.

In my head I was being resourceful, finding the figure so that the broker has what he needs. I completely see my partners point of view, but struggle a lot with my mental health and feel so down since this happened last night.

I reassured him that I am sorry and it wont happen again and that I understand his point. I also said to him that I have no interest of what is in his letters, and never have read through them, it was merely to try and help out while I had some spare time to. The letter was layed open on the kitchen side, and has been for months.

I can't help but feel that he now thinks I am invasive and overbearing, and the whole situation feels awkward and awful. I feel that I have invaded his privacy and feel bad for him but it was far from my intention.

I just wanted to post to get this all out. Things that are so minor seem so big in my head, and living in my head is exhausting.

I feel sad that what should be a nice experienve has turned to us arguing. I feel like its completely my fault and something else I have ruined.

If you didn’t open the envelope YANBU.

Are you sure he isn't haven't second thoughts about buying together? It sounds more like he is upset that you thwarted his delaying tactic.

Just to confirm- I did not open the envelope. It has been on the kitchen counter, laying face up, text up for months.

This isn't invading any privacy if it's lying there open for all to see is it
Stick up for yourself

@DoAWheelie this did cross my mind, but he says he is in this and wants to buy together. But it has been crossing my mind. Saying that, he was keen to find his payslips and get the rest of the information, and has been sending me houses. We are due to view one on Saturday.

You're living together, and the letter is out in the open in the kitchen you both share, text up and out of the envelope. He can't really expect that not to be read - you need to at least look at it to see what it is in any case.

If it was in an envelope and you had to open it to see what it was about etc, it would be different.

There might be something else going on - eg other letters he's receiving that he doesn't want you to see (not necessarily something bad - might just be something he wanted to keep private), or might be that he doesn't really want to go through with mortgage yet, or it might just be nothing. It may be worth having an open conversation with him about the reaction at the right time at some point.

It's totally weird of him to be so precious about a letter that he left open in the kitchen! It's obviously financial information that you would need to have anyway and it wasn't a sealed letter. He's just being horrible for the sake of it.

This is not on you, this is on him.

His reaction is way out of line, and he's either revealed a nastily controlling side, or he's hiding something else that he's terrified you'll find out about.

Either way, I really wouldn't be rushing into buying a house with this man. He is not caring, understanding, or supportive of you.

One question - the way he's made you feel right now, do you want to feel like that for the next ten years?

Very extreme reaction I think. Are you sure there's not something else going on?

It’s The way he spoke to you that is the problem. He shouldn’t have spoken to you like that regardless of the letter. If he can’t express himself without being hostile then you should reevaluate your relationship because there is no need for it. He’s brought shit into your shared space.
Oh and he’s a lazy arse who should tidy up his own paperwork.