Where do you go if DH won't leave?

[Tequilas40382]

Married. 3 DC. Joint bank account, joint mortgage. We're both unhappy but he won't leave. Says he pays bills too etc. I've always been the driver/planner for everything, he wouldn't have a clue where to start if we split and he admits that.

I want out, I don't want to live with him anymore and he makes my life miserable with his shouting and moaning 24/7, but he won't leave (he could go to his mums, she lives local and has room), where as my mum doesn't have room for us.

Where do I start ? It's a long way off until DCs are 18.

Suggest he stays in the house and takes care of the 3 DC as main carer and see how fast he agrees to be the one to leave.

Where you start is with a lawyer. Start the separation process. Tell him you're seeking a divorce and will be following legal advice. Suggest that you both coming up with a plan is the easiest way to deal with things. Will be want 50:50? In which case, you can 'nest' for now, leaving the children in situ and both going to your mums' homes for half the time. That way there's the least disturbance for the children and there is room for you.

When you are further down the road of separating, you can look at what happens with the house.

I'd be hoping he's too lazy to do 50:50 and gradually leaves you with the house.

I'd stay put and start the divorce process.

Moving out is generally not recommended (unless there's abuse). Get an appointment with a solicitor and get proper advice.

If you want the marriage over then file for divorce. But you don't have a bigger right to stay. Realistically if ye don't agree the house will need to be sold.

You can still start divorce while living under the same roof. At some point, he will either have to agree to sell the house, or you can go down the leagal route to force a sale - if he wants to waste money when faced with the inevitable.

Absolutely this!

*You need separate bank accounts right now.
*You need to let main characters in your life know you are separating from your partner (dates are important)
*Take screenshots of all accounts as they are right now (dates are important)
*Plan to put in equal amounts to cover mortgage and utilities.
*Is it possible that you can go into a move bedrooms?
*Do you have more than one bathroom in the house, you and the children share one and he can have the other?
*Stop buying anything and everything for him (food, toiletries..)
*Stop doing anything and everything for him (laundry, cooking, cleaning...)
*Diarise all that you do for the house and household (dates are important, and it will show who carries the load when you divorce)
*If there is no violence attempt to keep it civil

Above all look after yourself and take a moment for you, it takes a fair bit to get to this point where you want to pull the plug 🌸

You need to do everything at home to enforce a separate life , not make him move out because it would suit you better . You have never mentioned violence , if there was I could see your point of view .You have to be patient and do the right things as well from the children's point of view . What they see matters very much to them .

100% this ^^ if your house / mortgage is in joint name then he has just as much legal rights to live there as you, he doesn’t need to leave just because you want him to

Start divorce proceedings, get the house on the market and have an even split.

Agree - why should he leave?

For me, once we agreed to separate, we lived together for the next 3 months, sharing a bed most nights. Solicitor said to carry on much as before so we both paid into the joint account what we had always done, I did the food shop out of it, paid the house bills from there. In that respect we were still the same. Then when the house was in my name and she was paid off, she moved out that day.

Depends on what else is in the marital pot and the percentage awarded.