Seperate rooms date night

[HonestCoralLeader]

Just started sleeping in separate rooms after 20 years with kids 17 and 18. It is freaking me out! we have tried to instigate date night in order to compensate but the children have ended up joining us on the first two dates how do I tell them that date night is not for them?

"Kids, we're having a date. Piss off elsewhere, please."

Are you going out for date night, or staying home for a movie and a smooch on the sofa? If the former, don't tell them when/where you're going. If the latter, try the former.

Just tell them you're going out without them? Cant see the issue?

How? I say to my teens, “We’re going on a date on Saturday night.” They know that dating is only for me and DH, so they don’t try to join us. 🤷‍♀️ And if they did, I would kindly remind them that it’s a DATE.

They are 16 and they know what a date is

Eh?

None of this makes sense to me.

Your children are adults, communicate with them.

Given their ages, your DC's seem to lack independence - or did one of you sneakily encourage their presence to avoid any intimacy ? I'd of been far too busy with friends my own age to want to hang out with parents for a meal, that would of seemed cringe, which is usual at that age. Can't think why you'd be so backwards in coming forwards with saying it's a date. You've both got major hangups if it embarrasses you too much to say - that's the odd bit.

They are 17 and 18.
Just tell them !

The date night and starting to sleep in separate rooms is a bit of a juxtaposition.
What is the back story behind this when it seems perhaps your marriage may be in trouble?

All I can advise is get back into the same bedroom if you want to keep the intimate side of your relationship on track.I moved into the spare room due to my partners snoring ,3 years later hes happy with the arrangement, has developed ed due to blood pressure meds and refuses to seek help ,we are like housemates ,no intimacy and it has crushed me ,I feel unwanted and invisible .

Maybe remember that you’re the parent?!

"How do I tell my (almost) adult children something really simple and easy to understand?"

Hmmmm I don't know 🤔 How about "kids me and your dad are going out for the night, there's food in the fridge, see you later".

This can't be real?!

Also, why have you just started sleeping in separate rooms and why is it freaking you out?! None of this makes sense.

Do they have additional needs? I am absolutely perplexed that they are wanting to hang out with you on date night. If they're NT, tell them straight.

I loved hanging out with my parents and hope my kids will too.
Just tell them it's a date OP!

We have to tell dc that they are not invited if we want to go alone places because they grab their coats (but not their wallets) if they think we are heading out for dinner or the pub! They are all grown adults

I find this all very odd....when I was 18 I just wanted to hang out with my friends and go to nightclubs.

To be fair, it probably hasn’t crossed their minds that you actually might want to spend time together or - god forgive me - engage in Marital Relations at your advanced ages.

I don't know why you have separate bedrooms (snoring? health issues? different work schedules?), but I think it's a nice idea that you want to compensate for it by having more date nights.

I also think it's nice that your children, even if they are older teenagers, want to spend time with you! I have always liked to spend time with my parents, even when I was a teenager, and now when I'm an adult.

Are the date nights in your home or out in a restaurant/someplace else? Either way, tell your children that you are having a date night, and that it's only for you and your spouse/partner! They can understand that. But you have to tell them.

Call it date night.

Don't say we're going out for a meal, say it's date night. They'd rather die than go, and will emigrate to the depths of the bed under several duvets for about a week.

Different strokes I guess. I got on really well with my parents and loved their company, also loved my mates company.
If I'd had parents who weren't nice, who were embarrassing, or we just didn't get on then I wouldn't have wanted to hang out with them.

It's perfectly normal to not want to spend vast amounts of time with parents at that age...even if you do get along. It's really odd to me that these older teens won't leave their parents in peace. I'd tell them straight... we're having a romantic night...wink wink. They'll soon sod off.

@Comedycook Maybe you need to open your mind a bit to others liking different things instead of just repeating "it's odd!" at all the posters who don't share your opinion 😂

But it is odd and it's reflects the way society has changed. When my peers and I were 18, we were clubbing several times a week and more interestedly in our own romantic relationships. It's pretty sad that teens nowadays aren't out enjoying themselves and would rather have dinner with their parents. Detaching from our parents is a normal developmental process. Of course you can spend the odd evening together, but the op can't seem to get a single night alone with her husband.

I’d give anything for our kids to hang out with us.

Its not odd. And perfectly normal for teens to be with their parents sometimes. You know op has posted one message then run off and there's no other context. How do you know the kids aren't out with their mates and it was the odd random occasion they came down to be with their parents and it just happened to be date night, op hadn't even told them it was date night judging from the post. My lot always spend time with us and they go out with their friends too. As for the clubs in our day I feel it was different. Lots of local clubs we use to go have all closed down. Alot of knife crime and spiking of drinks doesn't help In my day we didn't have to worry about our drinks. If i had to pick I'd rather they just went cinema or out for dinner rather then clubbing... or Just sat with us. 🤣