Am I being unreasonable?

[Redrobbbin]

We’re having lots of marriage issues at the moment. 12 years together, married nearly 4 years. 2 primary school kids.
it’s been horrendous not talking or sleeping in the same bed for 9 weeks now. Completely stuck in a rut.
DH usually goes to the golf club on a Thursday night around 7pm to book for Saturdays golf (he’s there all day)
he said to me yesterday that he was going to the golf club Wednesday night instead of Thursday night.
he’s left for work at 9am, it’s now 9.20 pm and he’s still not home. He didn’t say he wasn’t coming home at all like he usually does. I am absolutely livid. To say our marriage is completely on the rocks he’s showing absolutely no sign of even trying, I feel like he’s pushing me away even more.

he’s self employed so when I struggle for childcare in the holidays, he can’t help yet can take a day off to go to golf.
I am sat here thinking what the actual f is my life honestly.

Hm, have you considered holiday clubs to give yourself some space and time to think?

They’re already going next week when I am back at work and it’s costing me a fortune.

Not to pry but what are the issues that led to separate rooms? Are you not talking because he has shut down?

So why is it costing you a fortune? If they are your joint children why isn't he sharing the cost?

He borrowed a bank loan without telling me and was following over 400 porno TikTok accounts. It took 8 weeks for him to apologise and then last week said he wants to just go back to normal.

That’s the reason for the original argument funnily enough.

Surely the holiday club is costing you both a fortune? Isn't he paying for half of his DC's upkeep, which includes childcare so he can work?
Is he really at golf though, or are you in separate rooms for another reason? Sounds like he has checked out. You'd probably get more out of him by splitting, and he'd perhaps respect your choice to split.

Nope all the bills come out of my account and he sends me what he deems half but it’s the same amount regardless of things like that, kids clothes etc. the original argument is because he took out a hefty loan without telling me. He was definitely at golf.

Oh my goodness your updates shed a whole new light on your DH.
I think I would be questioning whether I want to stay in a marriage with him.

His contribution needs to cover his kids holiday clubs ! If he has debt how come he can afford to pay golf?

I think what you also need to consider is how tough this probably is on your children so whatever you do make sure you try not to have too much conflict in front of them, but make sure they know they can talk to you. I would try take some time away to compose myself and gather my thoughts and have an ope conversation with my husband, all cards on the table. Additionally if you believe he is cheating private investigators are truly helpful and for court gather as much evidence as possible.

The secret loan would have been enough for me.

The porn addiction would have been enough for me.

And all the rest of it.

And he doesn’t really care, does he?

You’d be happier single, OP.