Separated but Living Together

[Lendosan]

So, my significant other and I separated about two years ago, but we have lived together due to our children and financials. Its amicable, but she told me about a year and a half ago, after I attempted to patch things up to find someone else that can be there for me.

My ex is Autistic, as is my son. My daughter has suspected ADHD. Living together is easier for childcare reasons and support reasons. She is also very unwell, but is waiting for an operation to resolve it.

Low and behold a full year later and I am finally talking to someone. However I don't want to rock the boat at home. I want to be with my kids and support them.

What do I do?

This sounds such a tough situation. I’ve stayed in a dysfunctional marriage for the last 24 years because I’m frightened of the consequences of divorce for myself and my family. However, I’m deeply depressed and wish I had the courage to change. I hope your child’s op is a success and you can be free to find your own life.

No real advice, but your thread title caught my eye as I'm only one month into this game. The game being- my DP announced after 23 years that we're through and now Legally Separated Under The Same Roof.

Early days for me obviously, and different from your situation. But I figure if you're actually separated as a couple (and 2 years is a long time), then either one of you should be able to pursue another relationship.

Part of separating is coming to terms with never being intimate with your ex and never having the same close personal relationship again. So ideally there should be a lack of jealousy, to some extent.

Would she be jealous that you have someone else, or just fearful that her support from you might drop-off?

Good luck, it's not easy hey

Sorry I re-read it and it makes less sense. My ex requires the operation, not my daughter. My fault for using poorly rushed English. I want to support her through it and through recovery, but I fear that in letting her know I am talking to someone else, she'll hit the roof.

She may well hit the roof as this situation works well for her. Sounds like you’d like more from a relationship than practicality. It can be difficult to find someone you have a connection with so it would be a shame to miss your opportunity. Glad your dd is in good health!

You're in a tricky position for sure. It's strange because I am coming at this from the other side- as in, I'm the wife with medical problems (and our child has medical problems) who is fearful of my now-ex leaving entirely, BECAUSE of the practical support. I hate to think about dealing with it all by myself.

But at the end of the day, we both deserve to be happy in life.

As for your ex having an operation soon.... there is never a good time to break bad news. You could be waiting a looong time.

Best of luck, I feel for you

If you’re at the ‘talking to’ stage, do you really need to ‘do’ anything? There’s no obligation on you to tell your ex you’re seeing someone yet. Cross that bridge when you need to. I assume you already go out and do things independently of them/your children, as part of being separated? And that you wouldn’t bring a date home to the family house? So currently no need for announcements.