Lack of conversation - my fault?

[GoingRoundInCircle]

I've been with my partner for 13 years and we have 2 children. For a while now he's been saying that things have changed and that I don't talk to him as much as I used to. From my point of view, I am talking just as much as I used to, but he has withdrawn and now only wants to talk about things that specifically interest him. If I try to talk to him about something important to me but that doesn't interest him then he just stares at his phone and nods or gives one word answers. He also barely initiates conversations himself. It's getting exhausting working and being the default parent and then having to be chatty and forthcoming when it's not reciprocated, but if I'm not then I get accused of ignoring him. I need some perspective, because it's really getting to me now.

Do you talk too much OP? I only ask because I find my dm goes into far too much detail for simple stories and it becomes boring to listen to. I find myself zoning out and it probably looks rude but I just feel like saying to her "please just spit it out" like she'll be telling a story and going into tangents about other things or telling me what everyone was wearing etc. Stuff that's not valid to the story. I say to her for eg " so did they end up going to the concert" to speed things up. And she'll say hang on now I'm getting to that ahh 😤 It's so frustrating to listen to, I don't need all the minor details!! 😭

Other than that maybe you speak to each other too frequently? Would you chat on the phone during the day? If so you may not have anything interesting left to say to each other.

Sounds like you’ve got into a bad cycle and you’re both blaming each other. Getting into some joint therapy to try and work through these things and break some habits could work wonders. Otherwise it may just stay as it is or even get worse.

I don't feel like I talk too much, as if I can tell he's not interested I'll cut a conversation short rather than bore him. He's said I talk to other people more than him, but we do text during the day, so sometimes I feel like I've told him everything by the time we're on our own together. But if I don't text him during the day his anxiety kicks in and he thinks something is wrong.

I have mentioned therapy in the past, but he thinks I just need to do something about it and won't entertain it.