He lies when he says he loves you. He just wants absolute power and control over you.
What were you like before you met him?. What drew you to him?. What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?. Your boundaries here, already perhaps skewed by previous poor and or abusive relationships and poor
life experience, are being further eroded by him now.
He has a problem with anger, YOUR anger, when you rightly call him out on his behaviour. AM courses as well are NO answer to such issues when it comes to abuse.
Abuse is not a relationship problem. Romantic or peer relationships that contain abuse are not equal relationships, meaning that one person holds and controls the power in the relationship. A consensual adult relationship should never feature such a power imbalance.
While an abuser may tell you that their choice to abuse you is due to your behavior or a relationship problem, that is a lie.
Abusers clearly have control over their behavior, because they do not abuse everyone. They choose who to abuse, how to abuse, and when to abuse.
Abusers target victims at times when the abuse will be most effective to keep the power in their possession. They also use different forms of abuse depending on what will hurt the most at the time.
My guess too is that he is all sweetness and light around other people; he does not treat his work colleagues like this does he?. No he does not. Abusers too are quite plausible to those in the outside world. Abusers know what they're doing when they abuse. That's why they hide the abuse from others. They know how to tear you down and then build you back up so that they can do it repeatedly.
There are different models of the abuse cycle, but all of them flow like this: some kind of tension that leads to abuse, that leads to reconciliation, that leads to calm, until the next time. It's during the reconciliation and the calm times that make you see the abuser as loving or kind and that makes you question whether it's the relationship or you that creates the abuse.