I was introduced to my ex by mutual friends in March 2021 (they worked together in the police). He was 32 at the time and told me his last relationship was long distance with a girl who lived in America and they broke up due to Covid (which I thought was odd as Covid won’t last forever).
I cannot explain it in any other way in that the man was crazy avoidant – he said he was suffering with mental health and struggled with intimacy and that he needed to go away and ‘do better’. In the year we were together, I met his parents once, never met any of his friends, he kept me at arm’s length and gave me just enough to keep me there. After a year I had had enough and now MY mental health was shot and I broke up with him. I really struggled with this break up – I’d been with someone for 7 years prior to this and I ended that – this was way harder for some weird reason. I'd never struggled with my self esteem or anything like that up until now. For the next 2 years this man always kept me around, I even moved to another city to get over him as it was just too much. I know I should’ve blocked him but I felt so bad for him. We continued to see each other intermittently and of course were intimate on a couple of occasions, when I’d go back to my home city to work and even had phone sex a mere 6 weeks ago.
Anyway, fast forward to a few weeks ago. We were due to meet for coffee and were texting quite a bit and he told me he was on holiday in Spain. My girlfriends were on Instagram and found an Instagram story of his sisters, mum AND the American ex he told me I had absolutely nothing to worry about all on holiday together…. This man had lied to me for nearly a year and had gotten back with her, all while continuing to speak to me. I messaged her to tell her and she had absolutely no idea about me, other than to tell me she was told I was toxic. Which of course really hurt me. I told my friends who set us up and they had absolutely no idea this girl even existed and were shocked.
I feel so betrayed, stupid and completely embarrassed and have no idea how I’m going to move through this. He’s insistent there was no overlap but how can I believe him? I think I’m fairly attractive, workout, have an amazing job (used to) be confident, always try and do right by others, own my own home and have my life together – I’ve spent 2 years waiting for a guy who played the mental health card to make me wait for him who has completely lead me on. I can’t help but compare myself to a girl who lives thousands of miles away and it’s so difficult.
Any tips on how I move through this? I feel like I want to be single forever. I know I was naive and foolish but the betrayal is like nothing I've ever experienced in my life.
PS - please go easy on me! I'm having lots of therapy but interesting to see if anyone else has experienced similar.