Couples counselling but for parenting issues?

[drspouse]

DH and I have two DCs, our DC1 has fairly extreme additional needs (by which I mean very challenging).
In theory we are on the same page about how to parent both DCs and we are able to sit down and have a reasonable discussion about DC2 almost all the time, it's a mixture of "I'm tearing my hair out over X" and "well done DC2 on Y" and "I told DC2 we'd do Z, back me up please".
With DC1 it's much more tricky. We have a plan in place but it requires everyone to be totally calm and never deviate from the plan as he's a master boundary pusher and loves negative attention, has ADHD so gets hugely excited from any hint of chaos and escalates.
DH says he feels I tell him what to do and I feel he makes plans without telling me what he's planning, shouts too much (OK I shout a bit but I'm much more zen than I used to be) and isn't on the same page re some things like screen time.
We are a good couple most of the time, DH has always been very sweet, supports my work (he's retired), we both understand each other's need for a break, and we both try to make sure the other is happy.
Apart from the "flop down on the sofa exhausted" phenomenon we communicate well, and a lot, though DH does say he gets annoyed when I ask him to talk about things later when small ears aren't earwigging.
Does anyone have any recommendations for counsellors (either Relate/similar nationwide organisation, or how to find another counsellor in person, or an online counsellor), and how to approach them about this issue?

Anyone?
Had another major issue this morning where DH was supposed to take DS to something DS enjoys but is nervous of. DH didn't leave enough time for a meltdown leaving the house (he was aiming to leave the house at the time I arrived at the activity yesterday, it's 15 mins to get there and I arrived 15 mins early).
I am livid at DH for being disorganised and it is REALLY hard to get a place on this activity, we've been waiting months. DH (in my view) is disorganised and then blames everyone else and stomps about going "we'll be late, there's no point in going if we are going to be late". I (in DH view) micromanage him and don't allow him to make any decisions.
I would take DS myself if it wasn't for the fact that I'm working and DH is retired! I specifically took yesterday morning off to take DS so it went smoothly and now am I going to have to take DS the rest of the week?

please help!

Sorry you’ve had no replies. I think you’re right to seek help and it’s a communication issue, hopefully exactly the sort of thing a good therapist can help you both work on. I’d google relationship counsellors in your area and see what comes up. Relate also worth a look. I wanted someone near me when I needed to see someone a few years back so looked on that basis.

Just looked and the nearest Relate centre is two hours away! I imagine you can do online with them as well but that's a bit far!

Relate are just one provider of counselling for couples - try looking here for people more local to you - https://www.bacp.co.uk/about-therapy/using-our-therapist-directory/ This is managed by the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy.