Abusive partner and enabling mother

[Mermaidlori]

Hi all,
I just need advice ln the situation I'm in. In 2019 my ex husband left me and our 2 children. I struggled on and tried to pay the mortgage alone. In 2021 I met a new guy and all was great. My divorce came through and I decided to sell house to get away from my ex husband. Myself, 2 kids that are now teenagers and my partner moved into mother's house to live with her for a while to sort ourselves out and try to buy again in future. Cause I was paying alone I missed a mortgage payment and now this is on record for 5 more years. I was a little worried about moving back my mothers as growing up she was emotionally detached from me and never had anything nice to say about me. If I did something she deemed wrong then she would give the silent treatment for weeks.
Anyway my partner has proposed a year ago and I felt the happiest I have been. But since the proposal he has been different. He has been coming home late and recently came home drunk in the early hours. He turned nasty and squeezed my arms so tight with his hands that I have bruises everywhere. I'm walking on egg shells and trying to be a normal person but I always fail 😔 My mother sees all that happens to me and fully supports my partner. I feel trapped. I have don't have any other family as my mother alienated me from them all growing up. My mother even asked my partner the day after he hurt me if he's okay. She hasn't spoken to me.
I also recently had a special birthday and she sent me a text message to say my card is on the table, even though we live together.
I'm worried about my kids seeing all this. I worry to leave with them and them not be happy. Currently they are happy living at Nanny's as they have their own rooms and are doing well at school. We have no where else to go. Do I just put up with all this? Any advice? I have called the engagement off. I don't even have any friends as my partner slowly made sure to isolate me from them.

Hi OP, this sounds awful. I think you need to get away from this guy and your mother. Can you not afford to leave with the children? Your children won’t be happy if they are seeing this sort of behaviour. He sounds abusive and in my experience it will only get worse.

Well done you for calling off the engagement. Next step is to get him to move out. Are you still together if you've called off the wedding? Once he is out, even if your mum is still being a cow (likely) you'll at least be physically safe which is a big improvement from now.

No you don’t put up with this. You leave him with your mother and you get your kids and move out.

Call women’s aid if you have to or put aside your dream of owning again for the time being and rent somewhere.

That's awful, Op. To be abused by 2 of the people who should love and cherish you the most.

I hope that you are able to leave soon.

So your mother abused you and now you have gone on to date abusers

That is the fate that lies in store for your children if you continue to expose them to the toxicity of abuse

Yes abuse can happen to anyone but in reality if you grew up with abuse you’ll have a high chance of replicating that abuse and that’s why it runs in families

Please tell me you have kicked this man out?! He is no good and he will hurt you more next time around

Sorry you are going through this OP. Firstly well done on calling the engagement off. Secondly you need to ask him to leave, then thirdly find somewhere to rent. It won't be easy, but you also need to be away from your mother who is toxic. You don't want your children growing up believing this is the norm.