Can physical attraction grow?

[singlemamavibes]

I have met a great guy on bumble and right from the first message the conversation was easy and flowing, we have so much in common.
We had 3 dates which were great, we laughed all evening, proper belly laughing.
Problem is, I don't have that wow I want to rip your clothes off feeling. We've kissed and it was good but still didn't ignite those feelings.

Can those feelings grow? It's always been quite instant for me before but then those guys were not the right guys!

Anyone not super physically attracted to their partner when they met but it came over time?

I don't want to pass over a good guy, he's the opposite of everything I usually go for, he's not shown any red flags and I am super aware of them, I've seen them in all the men I've dated before and chose to ignore them.

In my experience either the chemistry is there or not.

Whether is healthy chemistry is a different matter.

For me yes. I’ve never in my life met anyone and instantly wanted to rip their clothes off. I’ve always had a slow burn where attraction gradually grows over time.

So personally I wouldn’t write this guy off yet if everything else is positive just see how things progress over next few dates.

It can, but if you didn't have really good feelings when kissing him, even if he was a decent or good kisser, then I'm not sure if it's going to grow for you. Kissing is the most intimate thing you can do next to sex....so...it doesn't seem good to me at this stage. I think you want this to work out rather than it happening naturally.

I think that liking them can make them more or less attractive - they do mean things, they become less attractive - they do gorgeous things and reveal nice traits, you look at their face and it becomes really really dear to you.

Attraction has grown from friendships for me, but I didn’t meet those people
on dating apps.
For me dating apps mean instant attraction- did you find his pictures attractive?

Have you ever found someone attractive only once getting to know them?

(I’m long term single through choice, so feel free to disregard my response 😂)

In my experience, if you're not attracted to someone fairly quickly, you risk trying to persuade yourself - and it never goes well. There's nothing worse than settling for a nice person, but the spark just isn't there. Pain for everyone awaits!

But that's just me! And obviously 'spark' or attraction is 100% connected to personality, so if you don't feel even if they're nice, it's just one of those things!

When I first met my partner. ( We met on tinder!) He didn't look as good as his photos and I thought he was ugly lol but he made me laugh and we had instant connection, loads in common and just had a right laugh. As time went on he grew on me and even now I think he's sexy as hell so yes, as feelings grow I believe the attraction can come.

I wasn't attracted initially to any of the last 3 men I loved deeply- but we were friends first and the attraction grew from there. Not sure it'd be the same if I met someone on a dating app.

It absolutely can happen yes. Previously I'd held out for the initial spark/big fireworks but then met my DP on apps, he fancied me way more than I fancied him. I thought yeah why not, he's not my normal type in any way let's see what happens - Covid did and I had to go slow with a guy I wasn't certain I had enough attraction to.

Fast forward 4 years and I fancy the utter arse off the man now - imagine a young Rufus Sewell with a soft Irish accent. We are devoted, silly and forever jumping into bed.

I would go a step further and say it's actually BETTER for a relationship long term if the attraction grows. It means you actually like them as a person.
The other way round - ie sparks flying is just fantasy isn't it, not real. Those are the ones that generally end in tears. Unless you get super lucky and they do live up to what you've created about them in your head.

I think it absolutely can. Often the more you get to know someone the more you can fancy them (assuming they have good qualities!).
Conversely, I don't think the "rip your clothes off" type of attraction is necessarily a good indication of whether a relationship will last. It's more a hormonal attraction and those intense sexual feelings don't tend to last for many years.. Try and imagine yourself in ten years time. Can you imagine being with thius person? How will life be?

Yes it can grow and i find that thats the best way for it to happen. When you are instantly madly attracted to someone it can massively blind you to faults and red flags!

I'd imagine it can grow for some people.

Never has for me though. I'd rather be alone than having sex with someone who didn't turn me on.

There is some chemistry.. I want to be around him and touch him and kiss him, just not getting that rip his clothes off feeling, if that makes sense.

I think I'm used to guys being much more forward whereas he has been the perfect gentleman and isn't pushing anything.

It's only been a couple of weeks but I do kind of miss him between seeing him. I look forward to him video calling me in the evening and never want the call to end. I do feel a little giddy/teenager like.

It feels quite intense quite quickly, I really like him and I haven't checked the apps since I met him, I'm not at all interested in looking elsewhere.

I do want it to work out, already feel quite attached to him. It's just that tiny bit that's missing.

I agree with this.

What's your real gut feeling about him?

Personally I wouldn’t have sex with them until the attraction had developed.

But as I said uptgread I’ve never had an immediate fireworks attraction to anyone and so the spark growing in time is kindly to me.

I've only once in my life had the "rip his clothes off now" feeling - it turned into a 3 year relationship, but he wasn't really a good person - just incredibly selfish, & I felt pretty insecure throughout - so the amazing chemistry was very unhelpful in making a good decision for the wider context.

Every other relationship (all 2+ years long), I've liked them, thought they were ok looking initially, and as I've got to know them, the attraction, both emotional and sexual, has grown. And they've all been much more decent people with long term relationship potential, so for me, it's not an issue at all if I don't find them amazingly attractive initially, but also I know I'm a person with a slow burn kind of attraction...

It sounds like worth continuing - it's not like you're repulsed or even indifferent - you like him, find him attractive and want to be physical with him.

It's been a very short time and only a couple of dates.

I'd see how it goes, where it takes you.

I think it's definitely worth pursuing. If you were saying you felt nothing or there was no spark at all then that's different.
Not all relationships start with intense chemistry, and as others have some said, even if they do it can quickly fizzle out or they can turn out to be an unpleasant person.
Liking someone is a good place to start, just take it slow and see how things progress.

Slow burn is totally a thing. The person that to this day I find sexiest in the world was one of those. Wanted to kiss him, loved being near him and talking to him, but was a bit uncertain about the massive passion that, while it wasn’t lacking, wasn’t exactly in pant-dropping territory. Fast forward three months and genuinely I couldn’t keep my hands off him. It’s one thing to be repelled, it’s another to be adequately turned on but not in the realms of chandelier swinging from the beginning. Good luck! Best sex of my life to this day by the way if you really need to know!

One of my Ex’s the attraction was never there on my side, but I did really like him, look up to him and love being around him - but it ended up fizzling out.
On the flip side I’m not with someone who’s I’m crazy attracted to, but doesn’t treat me right !