Am I being overprotective and overreacting to this?

[Zxz71]

We regularly have family get togethers with extended cousins, brothers, sisters etc. All have kids who get on well and have been brought up like siblings.

Last few times of getting together my cousin has brought a friend who has a daughter same age as my son. No one else brings friends to the dos, just this one cousin. This is mainly because she attends with her ex partner who she doesn't really like or get on with and it's easier for her if she attends with her friend and her husband who her ex gets on with.

The daughter of this friend has been awful to my autistic son every time they have attended. Punching him, strangling him, hiding his ipad and belongings, dragging him from the room he is trying to hide from her in. Really being cruel. I've watched this from an outside window where she thinks no adults can see. Obviously while running towards them to stop it. He doesn't hit her back, he just stands and takes it.

The last time was the final straw and I told my cousin not to bring her again. I don't see why my son should be subjected to abuse like that.

Her reply was very sorry but she will continue to come to our parties and they will have to learn to get on!

Fair enough if she was actually a family member but she isn't! No one else other than my cousin is friends with her. All the other kids get on.

I will either refuse to go in future if she is attending or if she's already there I'll walk out and leave as soon as I see her but am I over reacting here?

No, you are not overreacting. Do you have a family WhatsApp group? Iif so I would be putting it in there that I wouldn't go if she was going because you need to keep your child safe.

No you are not overreacting at all.

How old is this visiting child?
I would have no qualms at telling her off, removing her from the room your son is in, returning her to her parents and telling them exactly what was happening. Every single time.
Also ask the rest of your family to keep an eye out and do the same.
And you can definitely say they are not coming if the event is at your house.

Both kids are 9.

No.

In similar circumstances at family get togethers I essentially helicopter parented my child and didn't let them out of my sight. It was exhausting but it did stop the behaviour.

(For family reasons it wasn't really possible to not go at that point in time although we stopped soon afterwards)

'Her reply was very sorry but she will continue to come to our parties and they will have to learn to get on!'

What's the problem if you're the host?

Tell her to duck off as she and her chum are and her violent kid are not welcome.

We don't have an extended family WhatsApp but I've told my mum and siblings and they said that none of them would attend if she was there either.

Depends who's house it is at, doesn't it. if the host tells her not to bring her friend, then she can't bring her friend. If the host says she can, nothing you can do about it

I'm not the host most of the time. It's another family member who has a large country house. I did tell her as well but she responded with a very neutral not taking sides reply saying she hoped my son was OK but didn't say this child would be banned.

I know I can't control the host but just seems quite sad that this couple and their feral daughter will be attending MY family dos and now I can't attend anymore in order to keep my child safe.

I will just have to be vocal about it and say I won't be attending and why. Without my parents and siblings there won't be many there to be honest.

I don’t blame the host for not wanting to get involved in this wrangle. All you can do is either not go, or keep your child with you at all times. Or make like Rebecca de Mornay, take the violent child aside and threaten here with retribution?

I would go, but make a point of telling the girls parent every time she does something. I'd also keep my son by my side the whole time.

You shouldn't have to miss out on family time due to this, but you do need to make it awkward for this parent to attend and not control her child.

I think I'll do this and keep him next to us at all times. He does like to just be by himself and do his own thing but it isn't safe with her there.

I'm surprised the parents would have the brass neck to turn up again to be honest but I'm sure my cousin will convince them to come 😞

All of this, of course. I’d make damn sure she didn’t want to visit again.

I’d be approaching feral child’s parent directly and be very vocal with everyone. Your cousin is bizarre to keep inviting this person to a family event and why the hell should you exclude yourself from YOUR family dos?! Be very straight with everyone.

Why is your cousin allowing some random to allow their child to behave like this to family. I mean of course only your cousin can answer but that’s very shitty. Good on your parents and siblings, sometimes better to show what we mean through actions, and this is one such time.

What did the parents of the feral child do/say when you confronted them about their child's terrible behaviour? I'd make them feel so uncomfortable that they'd never dare show their faces again.

Yes this. This awful child needs a proper telling off. There's no way I would be able to hold back with anyone who abused and bullied my child. Make it as uncomfortable as possible for the parents and child to attend, and hopefully they'll stop coming. Is the host not stepping in and telling the cousin to stop bringing these uninvited guests? who attends someone else's family get togethers anyway?

this is a good strategy. March her back to her parents each and every time she's anywhere near your son. I would be telling people loudly how this child has been bullying your son especially especially within the parents earshot. Shame them and don't care about appearing unreasonable. Unreasonable is Justified here.