Feather Duster
re your comment (which like so many other posts of this type is mainly about the alcoholic)
"I am staying for the kids so not to break up a family but this has been going on for years. I'm soft and keep expecting change but there have been lies and drugs in the past and he keeps promising he'll change"
Alcoholism is not also called the "family disease" without good reason and you are all affected by the alcoholic in your midst.
His primary relationship is with drink, not you and your children and its never been with you either. There are NO guarantees when it comes to alcoholism. He could go onto lose everything and everyone around him and he could still choose to drink afterwards.
Please reconsider this whole staying for the sake of the kids stance because when this statement is examined more closely it really does not stand up to scrutiny. How does staying benefit you and your children here?. Frankly it does not and sound travels within your home; they hear all the rows with your both spoken and unspoken reactions to him along with seeing all the empties in the recycling. Their friends dad's do not behave like their dad and your home is akin to a warzone. I would also assume they do not readily bring their friends home.
Do not further play your part here to teach your children such crappy lessons about relationships. What do you want to teach them about relationships and what are they learning here from you two?. What did you learn about relationships when growing up? Did you also see a parent drink too much?. They do not warrant an alcoholic parent along in their lives along with another parent who has stayed to date for the supposed sake of their children. Its for your sake that you have stayed really because you think its "easier" for you to do so. But it is not. Living in such mediocrity or worse burdens children with very confusing messages about relationships and happiness. It certainly instructs them that loving marriages and partnerships are not their birthright. For your part you cannot use your kids here as glue to bind you and your alcoholic together.
Better to be from a so called broken home than to remain in one because your household is unhealthy. You are way too soft and your drug taking alcoholic H plays on that trait of yours. You have also been too readily taken in by his weaselly words that mean nothing. Its actions that matter here, not words. All you're doing by staying is making it worse not just for you but for your kids too. You need to give up on any and all hope that he will change. The 3cs of alcoholism are you did not cause this, you cannot control this and you cannot cure this.